A whole lot of thinking and not enough doing.
To be honest, I know I am going to change "Birds of Bright" to something else. Choosing a title has always been so damn difficult and I don't know why. I feel like I have to decide on a name before I can move on, or else it just wouldn't feel right. So over the course of this very long brainstorming period, I've gone through titles such as "Birdsong", "The Bird and the Hounds", and now "Birds of Bright". The word "bird" is present in the title because of the main character's surname, "Birdsong". I'm probably just gonna change that too. Ugh!
Hmm.
Any way, Target is awesome. I like working there.
I'm gonna download a copy of Photoshop, heh heh. Hopefully then, I'll be able to flesh out these characters and the world of Allea.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Marvelous Mayhem
It has only begun.
Classes are fun, but I'm worried that I'm too lazy to get any homework done. Meh, I might start out shaky, but I have every confidence that I'll ultimately succeed.
Any way, I'm leaving S & S. Good bye! Found a better job elsewhere with hours that don't interfere with school and it pays better too! I have no idea if it's gonna be a shitty one, but so far I have high hopes.
Meh. I really want to start working on "Birds of Bright", but I haven't found the time to do so, between work, school, and martial art sessions. But when I do, I'll be sure to post pictures!
So far, nothing new; just waiting for my orientation at Target to begin and hopefully start living better.
Classes are fun, but I'm worried that I'm too lazy to get any homework done. Meh, I might start out shaky, but I have every confidence that I'll ultimately succeed.
Any way, I'm leaving S & S. Good bye! Found a better job elsewhere with hours that don't interfere with school and it pays better too! I have no idea if it's gonna be a shitty one, but so far I have high hopes.
Meh. I really want to start working on "Birds of Bright", but I haven't found the time to do so, between work, school, and martial art sessions. But when I do, I'll be sure to post pictures!
So far, nothing new; just waiting for my orientation at Target to begin and hopefully start living better.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Dandy Lyon
Exactly.
Well, September is here. The air is noticeably cooler and the blistering heat has seemed to stop already. Everyone went to college, including myself, except I stayed. X went to Vermont, and I have to say I miss the guy. Everything just seems dull without his joyous presence, and I really mean that too.
So classes are a bitch, but hey, whatever. I gotta do them, right? I mean, I payed for them so...
I'm really tight on money this month. I feel so poor. I'm as broke as I ever been. Despite my financial problems, I guess I'm okay. Shit could be a lot worse. I still need to change the fuel filter in my car. Hopefully that's the one thing that's causing all my motor vehicle problems.
Any way, I'm sure Ill have a fun filled monologue next entry. Right now, I'm tired, hungry and gonna watch Conan O'Brien do his whacky shit to make me happy. Yay!
Well, September is here. The air is noticeably cooler and the blistering heat has seemed to stop already. Everyone went to college, including myself, except I stayed. X went to Vermont, and I have to say I miss the guy. Everything just seems dull without his joyous presence, and I really mean that too.
So classes are a bitch, but hey, whatever. I gotta do them, right? I mean, I payed for them so...
I'm really tight on money this month. I feel so poor. I'm as broke as I ever been. Despite my financial problems, I guess I'm okay. Shit could be a lot worse. I still need to change the fuel filter in my car. Hopefully that's the one thing that's causing all my motor vehicle problems.
Any way, I'm sure Ill have a fun filled monologue next entry. Right now, I'm tired, hungry and gonna watch Conan O'Brien do his whacky shit to make me happy. Yay!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Steak House Rock
Mmm... steak.
Any way, Christina and Marissa are here. Fun times will ensue.
I don't feel like going to open gym today; long ass day at work, but I'll probably end up going. Also, class tomorrow night. Should be fun.
Nancy bought a Wii recently. It'll have to satisfy my gamer craves for now, until I eventually buy my own 360 Elite. Whenever that'll be...
Still chalking up ideas for "Birds of Bright". I need to start illustrating.
Party on Saturday at Anna's house, hopefully.
And that's a wrap!
Any way, Christina and Marissa are here. Fun times will ensue.
I don't feel like going to open gym today; long ass day at work, but I'll probably end up going. Also, class tomorrow night. Should be fun.
Nancy bought a Wii recently. It'll have to satisfy my gamer craves for now, until I eventually buy my own 360 Elite. Whenever that'll be...
Still chalking up ideas for "Birds of Bright". I need to start illustrating.
Party on Saturday at Anna's house, hopefully.
And that's a wrap!
Friday, July 24, 2009
Inside Your Personal Haven
Where it's warm and safe! (Supposedly).
Any way, got back from MCC today. I'll be taking 9 credits this semester, deeming me a part-time student. Sad to say that I have one class every Saturday morning. Gay. But it fits with my schedule, kinda, and we'll just have to see in due time. I should also note that none of these classes are drawing classes. None, because the ones that I need to take are currently filled. Which is also gay. So, I won't be honing in on my art skills until next semester, which blows balls.
I should really start practicing again.
Not much else is going on. Dad's in Canada and I have no way of reaching him. Nancy's still a douche. Christina and Marissa are coming up from Virginia, so that's cool. I really wanna spend some time with them.
Right now, I'm too busy wallowing in my boredness.
Any way, got back from MCC today. I'll be taking 9 credits this semester, deeming me a part-time student. Sad to say that I have one class every Saturday morning. Gay. But it fits with my schedule, kinda, and we'll just have to see in due time. I should also note that none of these classes are drawing classes. None, because the ones that I need to take are currently filled. Which is also gay. So, I won't be honing in on my art skills until next semester, which blows balls.
I should really start practicing again.
Not much else is going on. Dad's in Canada and I have no way of reaching him. Nancy's still a douche. Christina and Marissa are coming up from Virginia, so that's cool. I really wanna spend some time with them.
Right now, I'm too busy wallowing in my boredness.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Ultimatum
Peering into the deep.
So, I guess that's it. I'll still see her every week, but that's all. I've partially given up. Desire has changed courses, but I will still carry on with it. It's just that the goal has changed. I still can't help but to hope it may help me in the future, but who knows. The fact that Siggy brought this up startled me and has gotten me thinking. Ultimately, it's I who decides what goes down in the end, but I can't ignore the concern from everyone. That's something I have to take into consideration. Deep down, I still love her, but it's time to move on. Seriously. this shit is gettin' old, more so than how much it hurts. Okay... maybe not that much, but you know.
Christina and Marissa are coming to visit! Yay! Can't wait to see those two sisters of mine.
MCC New Student Seminar appointment this Friday. I wonder what that's gonna be like. I'm also gonna ask why Haley chose hers so freakin' late. C'mon now.
I need to buy some cereal. And some air fresheners. I wonder if they sell them at Target?
Also, Stop And Shop can suck a cock.
So, I guess that's it. I'll still see her every week, but that's all. I've partially given up. Desire has changed courses, but I will still carry on with it. It's just that the goal has changed. I still can't help but to hope it may help me in the future, but who knows. The fact that Siggy brought this up startled me and has gotten me thinking. Ultimately, it's I who decides what goes down in the end, but I can't ignore the concern from everyone. That's something I have to take into consideration. Deep down, I still love her, but it's time to move on. Seriously. this shit is gettin' old, more so than how much it hurts. Okay... maybe not that much, but you know.
Christina and Marissa are coming to visit! Yay! Can't wait to see those two sisters of mine.
MCC New Student Seminar appointment this Friday. I wonder what that's gonna be like. I'm also gonna ask why Haley chose hers so freakin' late. C'mon now.
I need to buy some cereal. And some air fresheners. I wonder if they sell them at Target?
Also, Stop And Shop can suck a cock.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Shitstorm
Even if you have an umbrella, you're still gonna get some shit on you.
What a fantastic day at work I had today. I fucking put a tel-zan through the cardboard compactor. A piece of technology that costs around $1500, destroyed, and I only have myself to blame for it. This little mistake might cost me my job, so I better start looking for a new one. And I can't wait to get chewed out for this one. Can't wait!
Kate and Haley have jobs now. Woo! We're employed again, at the same time. However, it might not stay that way if things turn shitty for me. Ugh.
Josh apparently has some words to say to me. I honestly don't want to talk to him about it, but I know he's not gonna leave me alone until we do. I'm tired of trying to explain it to someone. No one else understands. And I mean that. It already hurts enough as it does.
I need to get MCC straightened out. Seriously. I'm in goosebumps.
That's about it. Hopefully once my classes start at MCC, I can start posting some of my comic/ graphic novel ideas in a seperate blog.
What a fantastic day at work I had today. I fucking put a tel-zan through the cardboard compactor. A piece of technology that costs around $1500, destroyed, and I only have myself to blame for it. This little mistake might cost me my job, so I better start looking for a new one. And I can't wait to get chewed out for this one. Can't wait!
Kate and Haley have jobs now. Woo! We're employed again, at the same time. However, it might not stay that way if things turn shitty for me. Ugh.
Josh apparently has some words to say to me. I honestly don't want to talk to him about it, but I know he's not gonna leave me alone until we do. I'm tired of trying to explain it to someone. No one else understands. And I mean that. It already hurts enough as it does.
I need to get MCC straightened out. Seriously. I'm in goosebumps.
That's about it. Hopefully once my classes start at MCC, I can start posting some of my comic/ graphic novel ideas in a seperate blog.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
The Sinking Feeling in my Chest
I maybe too weak to handle the truth.
Something's going on between them. I just know it. I shouldn't care. I just need to forget about her. The sooner I can do that, the quicker I'll stop hurting on the inside. I need to forget. It's vitally important I forget. Perhaps when he's gone, I can make my move. Perhaps. But for now, I need to forget. It's becoming so unhealthy for me to pursue her, even after she said no. Maybe I should stop talking to her? I don't know. Something needs to be done in order for me to stop the hurting. God, it's hurts so much. I wish could meet some else to get my mind off of her. Jesus, I've never been so upset in my life and so heart broken. I wonder everyday if I'm strong enough to handle it. I told her last month, but I don't think it was enough. However, I also said I would never bring it up again. If only she knew how much she hurts me, if only Kate knew what she does to me, maybe she'd understand.
And that's how I feel. I don't know what I can do to combat these feelings. Perhaps just continue with Desire. That's the only thing I can do at this point.
MCC tomorrow morning, as it looks like. Waking up early so I can get there and get set for the Fall 2009 semester.
Something's going on between them. I just know it. I shouldn't care. I just need to forget about her. The sooner I can do that, the quicker I'll stop hurting on the inside. I need to forget. It's vitally important I forget. Perhaps when he's gone, I can make my move. Perhaps. But for now, I need to forget. It's becoming so unhealthy for me to pursue her, even after she said no. Maybe I should stop talking to her? I don't know. Something needs to be done in order for me to stop the hurting. God, it's hurts so much. I wish could meet some else to get my mind off of her. Jesus, I've never been so upset in my life and so heart broken. I wonder everyday if I'm strong enough to handle it. I told her last month, but I don't think it was enough. However, I also said I would never bring it up again. If only she knew how much she hurts me, if only Kate knew what she does to me, maybe she'd understand.
And that's how I feel. I don't know what I can do to combat these feelings. Perhaps just continue with Desire. That's the only thing I can do at this point.
MCC tomorrow morning, as it looks like. Waking up early so I can get there and get set for the Fall 2009 semester.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
I'll Play My Lute Quietly
... in the corner, in hopes to bum some money off the generous strangers.
Any way, let's see. Where do I begin?
Capoiera was exciting. Tucker had me practice the martello and the armada, and other techniques that I can't remember the names of. Practice makes perfect I say, and I'm progressing along smoothly in that area.
Bob's 4th of July party was a win/lose situation. The only things that made it awesome was Brendan Albetski and boobies. That's it. I started to not have fun after Bob and Josh got drunk off their asses, and when they tried to get Whitney to get naked. They're both pathetic in that state. I feel sorry for Whitney, but she should've just stopped drinking. And I should've stayed at Christine's Graduation Party. Alas, my mistake.
Fuck a tally. I don't need that shit.
Deep inside me, I'll be happy when a certain someone is off to college, away from Connecticut. I know that's a bad thing to think and say, but damn, I can't help it. They're starting to piss me off. Either you guys are or you aren't. Make up your mind. I hope everyday that Kate is still "pure". As I witness so many people dirtying themselves with sin, I can only hope at this point. Kate's been a driving inspiration for such a long time, and with her in a different light, it going to feel like I'm lost. I need to find another direction, which is why I am looking forward to MCC this fall.
By the way, speaking of MCC, the signing of classes for the fall semester ends on July 16th. I better get my ass together and get there Tuesday ASAP, with my shot records.
With my Xbox 360 dead and gone, I'm saving up for an Elite. It'll take me a month, but hey, it's for a good cause.
I wonder. I'll find out the truth in the future. Perhaps. If I continue with Desire, i'll be fine. I should focus on that too.
Any way, let's see. Where do I begin?
Capoiera was exciting. Tucker had me practice the martello and the armada, and other techniques that I can't remember the names of. Practice makes perfect I say, and I'm progressing along smoothly in that area.
Bob's 4th of July party was a win/lose situation. The only things that made it awesome was Brendan Albetski and boobies. That's it. I started to not have fun after Bob and Josh got drunk off their asses, and when they tried to get Whitney to get naked. They're both pathetic in that state. I feel sorry for Whitney, but she should've just stopped drinking. And I should've stayed at Christine's Graduation Party. Alas, my mistake.
Fuck a tally. I don't need that shit.
Deep inside me, I'll be happy when a certain someone is off to college, away from Connecticut. I know that's a bad thing to think and say, but damn, I can't help it. They're starting to piss me off. Either you guys are or you aren't. Make up your mind. I hope everyday that Kate is still "pure". As I witness so many people dirtying themselves with sin, I can only hope at this point. Kate's been a driving inspiration for such a long time, and with her in a different light, it going to feel like I'm lost. I need to find another direction, which is why I am looking forward to MCC this fall.
By the way, speaking of MCC, the signing of classes for the fall semester ends on July 16th. I better get my ass together and get there Tuesday ASAP, with my shot records.
With my Xbox 360 dead and gone, I'm saving up for an Elite. It'll take me a month, but hey, it's for a good cause.
I wonder. I'll find out the truth in the future. Perhaps. If I continue with Desire, i'll be fine. I should focus on that too.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Hollow Shells
Not to be confused with occupied shells.
It sucks knowing people are out and about, while you're stuck waiting to clock in at work later in the evening. Wish I could be at Christine's graduation, but can't. Oh well.
I don't wanna know, therefore I cease to think about it.
Ugh. I love how I'm gonna have to start learning how to draw from the very beginning because of years of neglect. I'm so mad that I was lazy and never pursued my drawing skill up until now. I bring this up because of my ongoing project called "Birds of Bright", previously known as "Bird Song". Gah! Now that I want to write and illustrate my own graphic novel, I have to learn everything all over again! It's aggravating! Whenever I'm on the Flight forums and view the art that's up there, I feel so inferior! Sucks.
Tomorrow, I have to contact someone at MCC. And also pay my internets bill. Yay!
I'm not sure where I'm going. I did what I wanted but got nothing in return, so I'm left without a plan. It's hard being stuck in such a position. I'm sure I'll think of something, or I'll be walking this fine line for quite some time! A line of unrequited love, self-improvement, jealousy, awkward sexual tensions, financial issues, and video games! O joy!
Whateves.
It sucks knowing people are out and about, while you're stuck waiting to clock in at work later in the evening. Wish I could be at Christine's graduation, but can't. Oh well.
I don't wanna know, therefore I cease to think about it.
Ugh. I love how I'm gonna have to start learning how to draw from the very beginning because of years of neglect. I'm so mad that I was lazy and never pursued my drawing skill up until now. I bring this up because of my ongoing project called "Birds of Bright", previously known as "Bird Song". Gah! Now that I want to write and illustrate my own graphic novel, I have to learn everything all over again! It's aggravating! Whenever I'm on the Flight forums and view the art that's up there, I feel so inferior! Sucks.
Tomorrow, I have to contact someone at MCC. And also pay my internets bill. Yay!
I'm not sure where I'm going. I did what I wanted but got nothing in return, so I'm left without a plan. It's hard being stuck in such a position. I'm sure I'll think of something, or I'll be walking this fine line for quite some time! A line of unrequited love, self-improvement, jealousy, awkward sexual tensions, financial issues, and video games! O joy!
Whateves.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Let's Talk About Love II
She's my disease that's slowly corroding my very living-fiber.
Yay!
So, I've just now come to realize that this is like a diary more so than an open blog. As far as I know, no one reads this except me and, occasionally, my sister. Whatever. I couldn't care less otherwise.
Following up on some advice my Dad gave me, I visited Roosh V's website. Now, I don't agree with a number of things this guy does or believes in. However, the dude is a master at "the game", and that's something any guy can respect, especially me. Roosh gets laid regularly with pretty women. I suppose you can say that I'm a bit jealous, but any guy would be. However, as stupid and gay as this may sound, I'm not looking for only sex. Surprise! I've heard love is only for women and gays. That's total bullshit. Some of these guys have problems that I don't want to know about, maing them into heartless robots that just want an sweet ass on their cock. Excuse my derogatory choice of words, but it's true. Now, I'm not saying sex is bad; hell no. What I am saying is that I value and cherish the connection that is established between two lovers. Sex usually always comes after, right? So there's no worries.
Any way, I registered to Roosh's forum. I posted my plight and watched as Roosh's finest commented. The comments were what I thought they would be. Here are some examples:
"Date other women"
"... stop talking to her completely."
"in your case, you're beating a dead horse..."
And my favorite from Roosh himself:
"Be a man and move on."
Personally, I'm only listening to some of these comments. Unfortunately, I can't listen to Roosh's comment, and here's why. Kate is so deeply rooted into me, that it just not easy to forget about her. I can't. You see, it was easy She's still my friend and I love her. I cant just abandon that, not me. Other guys may find that easy, but I don't. She may not "love" me back, but I know she cares about me.
Also, I do want to date other women, as I think that would finaly get my mind and conscious off of her. Problem is: I don't know any other women! At least, not until I start college, which won't be until Fall. I'm also 19, so it's not like I can pick up girls in bars or clubs. And let me tell you, there is no game to be had at work. Unless you like raisins. Heh heh.
On the subject of ceasing to talk to her, I will start to go weeks without speaking to her, dropping a line on occassion. She'll have to talk to me, not the other way around.
Let's face it, I'm such a loser. So many opportunities in Virginia to get laid, but I never took them. I'm perpetually stuck in love with a friend who's not even interested in me anymore. And I'm not even sure Desire will work, but it's still a plan. Desire mostly comprises of me getting in the best shape of my life. Even though it was originally planned just to get Kate back, if I can get some extra attention, I would welcome that too.
This summer is going to suck, because I'm going to force myself to stop thinking about Kate in such a romantic manner. And her obvious interest in Xanth is tough to deal with. But you know what? Fuck it.
Love hurt so damn much but what else is new, right?
Yay!
So, I've just now come to realize that this is like a diary more so than an open blog. As far as I know, no one reads this except me and, occasionally, my sister. Whatever. I couldn't care less otherwise.
Following up on some advice my Dad gave me, I visited Roosh V's website. Now, I don't agree with a number of things this guy does or believes in. However, the dude is a master at "the game", and that's something any guy can respect, especially me. Roosh gets laid regularly with pretty women. I suppose you can say that I'm a bit jealous, but any guy would be. However, as stupid and gay as this may sound, I'm not looking for only sex. Surprise! I've heard love is only for women and gays. That's total bullshit. Some of these guys have problems that I don't want to know about, maing them into heartless robots that just want an sweet ass on their cock. Excuse my derogatory choice of words, but it's true. Now, I'm not saying sex is bad; hell no. What I am saying is that I value and cherish the connection that is established between two lovers. Sex usually always comes after, right? So there's no worries.
Any way, I registered to Roosh's forum. I posted my plight and watched as Roosh's finest commented. The comments were what I thought they would be. Here are some examples:
"Date other women"
"... stop talking to her completely."
"in your case, you're beating a dead horse..."
And my favorite from Roosh himself:
"Be a man and move on."
Personally, I'm only listening to some of these comments. Unfortunately, I can't listen to Roosh's comment, and here's why. Kate is so deeply rooted into me, that it just not easy to forget about her. I can't. You see, it was easy She's still my friend and I love her. I cant just abandon that, not me. Other guys may find that easy, but I don't. She may not "love" me back, but I know she cares about me.
Also, I do want to date other women, as I think that would finaly get my mind and conscious off of her. Problem is: I don't know any other women! At least, not until I start college, which won't be until Fall. I'm also 19, so it's not like I can pick up girls in bars or clubs. And let me tell you, there is no game to be had at work. Unless you like raisins. Heh heh.
On the subject of ceasing to talk to her, I will start to go weeks without speaking to her, dropping a line on occassion. She'll have to talk to me, not the other way around.
Let's face it, I'm such a loser. So many opportunities in Virginia to get laid, but I never took them. I'm perpetually stuck in love with a friend who's not even interested in me anymore. And I'm not even sure Desire will work, but it's still a plan. Desire mostly comprises of me getting in the best shape of my life. Even though it was originally planned just to get Kate back, if I can get some extra attention, I would welcome that too.
This summer is going to suck, because I'm going to force myself to stop thinking about Kate in such a romantic manner. And her obvious interest in Xanth is tough to deal with. But you know what? Fuck it.
Love hurt so damn much but what else is new, right?
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
The Cold Hard Truth
Makes me feel interesting.
Ah, this is what I was waiting for. An opportunity to talk to Kate, and some 10 minutes ago I did just that: I gave her the "talk". She listened to what I had to say, albeit my shaking and distorted words. Damn, was I nervous! But I had every right to be; I was asking out one of my best and closest friends. This is what she said:
"I mean, it's been great seeing you again, but I'm just not interested in seeing anyone, right now."
Rejection!
At its finest. Now, I was wondering on my way back home, if by "anyone" she meant "me". That she's "just not interested in seeing [me]". Well, if she meant "me", I'm pretty damn sure she would've said "you", which is referring to me, of course. There really shouldn't be any reason for me to speculate, and I trust her words as she said them. If she was interested in anyone else, say, Xanth* for example, she would've said "I'm sorry Mikey, but I like Xanth and no one else". But she didn't, and I should have no reason to think otherwise.
This also leads to a question: do I really want a relationship in this point in my life? Perhaps not, if I really look at it. Her answer doesn't change my feelings for her. I'm still in love with Kathryn, but I know now to back off at certain points. I should really focus now on bettering myself and improving my body and mind. Maybe they'll be room in the future for the two of us to be together, but it's far too early to tell.
On the upside, Nancy might be getting the ING job after all! Aaryn said that she's in the classes slated for July! This is good news. Nancy deserves this job, and I hope she does well and has nothing but success.
As for me, I'm going to keep on hoping that Kathryn will rethink it through, or perhaps we can be together in the future. But who know for sure?
I'm tired and I have work at 8 in the morning so, a grood night to you.
*Xanth is the only other guy I can see Kate dating. He's a good guy. A relationship between the two wouldn't be too far off. However, Xanth is going to college in Vermont. And Kate has told me that he and her are not dating, despite questionable circumstances. Whatever. I believe her. So yeah. They couldn't be dating because Xanth is going to another state for college and I doubt they'd risk the "long distance" dealy-o.
Ah, this is what I was waiting for. An opportunity to talk to Kate, and some 10 minutes ago I did just that: I gave her the "talk". She listened to what I had to say, albeit my shaking and distorted words. Damn, was I nervous! But I had every right to be; I was asking out one of my best and closest friends. This is what she said:
"I mean, it's been great seeing you again, but I'm just not interested in seeing anyone, right now."
Rejection!
At its finest. Now, I was wondering on my way back home, if by "anyone" she meant "me". That she's "just not interested in seeing [me]". Well, if she meant "me", I'm pretty damn sure she would've said "you", which is referring to me, of course. There really shouldn't be any reason for me to speculate, and I trust her words as she said them. If she was interested in anyone else, say, Xanth* for example, she would've said "I'm sorry Mikey, but I like Xanth and no one else". But she didn't, and I should have no reason to think otherwise.
This also leads to a question: do I really want a relationship in this point in my life? Perhaps not, if I really look at it. Her answer doesn't change my feelings for her. I'm still in love with Kathryn, but I know now to back off at certain points. I should really focus now on bettering myself and improving my body and mind. Maybe they'll be room in the future for the two of us to be together, but it's far too early to tell.
On the upside, Nancy might be getting the ING job after all! Aaryn said that she's in the classes slated for July! This is good news. Nancy deserves this job, and I hope she does well and has nothing but success.
As for me, I'm going to keep on hoping that Kathryn will rethink it through, or perhaps we can be together in the future. But who know for sure?
I'm tired and I have work at 8 in the morning so, a grood night to you.
*Xanth is the only other guy I can see Kate dating. He's a good guy. A relationship between the two wouldn't be too far off. However, Xanth is going to college in Vermont. And Kate has told me that he and her are not dating, despite questionable circumstances. Whatever. I believe her. So yeah. They couldn't be dating because Xanth is going to another state for college and I doubt they'd risk the "long distance" dealy-o.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Thundering Screams
I scared myself.
What the hell? They spend nights over his house? When the fuck did this happen? Let me tell you, I was pretty surprised when I found this out. Okay, so I was devastated, screamin' and shit, but I got over it! At least she didn't try to hide it and stuff. This is all gettin' to my head so fast. I need to chill.
So I chickened out again. I'm sure Siggy will be disappointed in me, and Nancy, but whatever. I'm gonna tell her soon! I swear it! It's just today, with her Grandfather's birthday and all, I didn't think it was the "right" time to say it. For now, I'll stay quiet until I find the opportune time. I fuckin' swear I will.
I really wanna help Nancy out so badly. Even if I won, say, one thousand dollars or more, I'd put a considerable amount into getting Nancy a decent filming camera. Her happiness is important to me and I want her to know it.
There's lightning outside, but I don't hear any thunder. Muffled lightning? I think so.
edit:
Depending on what lies in her schedule, I may be seeing her tomorrow, thus I am going to give the "talk" to her.
Like I've said before, I'm going in knowing that there's a great chance that she will turn me down. But even so, I have to know how she feels! I can't help but to think about everything she's said and done in the past, and how that may help me. She still wears the ring I've given her, and she's said that she wears it because she still thinks of me. So many things left unanswered! Tomorrow, I'm gonna have the balls and ask her. There's no other way around it. A 90% chance she says no to another chance, and 10% she says yes to my plead for love.
And so it continues. I'll have an interesting story for the next entry, for sure.
What the hell? They spend nights over his house? When the fuck did this happen? Let me tell you, I was pretty surprised when I found this out. Okay, so I was devastated, screamin' and shit, but I got over it! At least she didn't try to hide it and stuff. This is all gettin' to my head so fast. I need to chill.
So I chickened out again. I'm sure Siggy will be disappointed in me, and Nancy, but whatever. I'm gonna tell her soon! I swear it! It's just today, with her Grandfather's birthday and all, I didn't think it was the "right" time to say it. For now, I'll stay quiet until I find the opportune time. I fuckin' swear I will.
I really wanna help Nancy out so badly. Even if I won, say, one thousand dollars or more, I'd put a considerable amount into getting Nancy a decent filming camera. Her happiness is important to me and I want her to know it.
There's lightning outside, but I don't hear any thunder. Muffled lightning? I think so.
edit:
Depending on what lies in her schedule, I may be seeing her tomorrow, thus I am going to give the "talk" to her.
Like I've said before, I'm going in knowing that there's a great chance that she will turn me down. But even so, I have to know how she feels! I can't help but to think about everything she's said and done in the past, and how that may help me. She still wears the ring I've given her, and she's said that she wears it because she still thinks of me. So many things left unanswered! Tomorrow, I'm gonna have the balls and ask her. There's no other way around it. A 90% chance she says no to another chance, and 10% she says yes to my plead for love.
And so it continues. I'll have an interesting story for the next entry, for sure.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Road Trips Are the Latest Trend, Seriously
So much has happened. Where do I begin?
The trip to Washington D.C. was blast and it went by too fast. Nancy, Siggy, Kate, Haley, and I left Thursday morning and headed for Philadelphia, where Siggy used to live. Let me tell you, that was a beautiful neighborhood that anyone would dream, or kill, to be apart of. I know I would have. We entered the famed Mutter Museum, which showcases and displays an aray of medical oddities. And I got to see the giant colon! Awesome. After dicking around in Philly for a couple of hours, we embarked for Washington D.C. with high hopes and excitement. However, our enthusiasm would soon be shot down as a chunk of the tread from Nancy's front right tire flew off from high speeds, causing us to pull over at a Citco gas station and inspect the damage. The tire was a loss, and we made it a team effort to take it off and place the spare tire in it's stead. Hoping to get an imidiate replacement, we set off for the nearby Wal-Mart Supercenter. To our luck, their Car and Tire services were closed for the day. Cold, wet, and tired, the lot of us hobbled back into Nancy's car and decided to stay at the Best Western Hotel for the night.
Getting a good night's sleep, we all went back to the Wal-Mart (after failing to locate the proper tire supply joint that Kate's GPS system informed us of) and waited for an hour and a half. Soon after, we got our replacement ready and installed, which ment our journey the nation's capital resumed.
While in D.C., we saw the Natives of North America Museum, The United State's Museum of History, The National Air and Space Museum, and the Museum of National History. All were amazing and tremendously sweet. We also saw the Lincoln Memorial, plus the Vietnam and World War II memorials.
Alas, the trip ended way too soon. I had so much fun though. And it was practically mind blowing seeing Kate at my Mom's house. Just plain ol' weird. Good times.
Work's a bitch, but what else is new?
I found my shot records, and now I'll be able to go to college. Whoopee. There's enthusiasm in there, trust me. And I also just went to New Hampshire with Bob, Josh, and Steve to retrieve some fireworks. Oh joyous days.
I'm asking Kate and risking my friendship. All or nothing. I'm sick of have the burden on my heart and mind. This is going to happen the next time we're alone.
I finally did Capoiera. It was awesome! But I got some nasty blisters on my toes, including a sweet blood blister that hurts like hell.
Damn this post is long. Didn't really mean to be, but it worked out that way. Oh well. But yeah. It really is now or never. If I just keep putting it off, I'm going to regret it. Besides, I think it's high time we talked about "us", or the lack there of. Why should it be taboo in conversation? It shouldn't. And like I've said a dozen times here on this sad little blog, if she's rejects me, then that's that. Best to be done with it and look forward. But I know me. I'll likely be subconsciously trying to win her heart with every that I do. I'm such a child.
I've come to the conclusion that I won't begin actual progress towards Birdsong until I hit my classes in college. I'm still fleshing out ideas, plot, characters, and the overall story. Setting up and creating a graphic novel series is way harder than it sounds.
The next post will most likely be the results of me pouring out my deepest feelings for a certain young lady. I hope everything goes alright.
I need to pee.
The trip to Washington D.C. was blast and it went by too fast. Nancy, Siggy, Kate, Haley, and I left Thursday morning and headed for Philadelphia, where Siggy used to live. Let me tell you, that was a beautiful neighborhood that anyone would dream, or kill, to be apart of. I know I would have. We entered the famed Mutter Museum, which showcases and displays an aray of medical oddities. And I got to see the giant colon! Awesome. After dicking around in Philly for a couple of hours, we embarked for Washington D.C. with high hopes and excitement. However, our enthusiasm would soon be shot down as a chunk of the tread from Nancy's front right tire flew off from high speeds, causing us to pull over at a Citco gas station and inspect the damage. The tire was a loss, and we made it a team effort to take it off and place the spare tire in it's stead. Hoping to get an imidiate replacement, we set off for the nearby Wal-Mart Supercenter. To our luck, their Car and Tire services were closed for the day. Cold, wet, and tired, the lot of us hobbled back into Nancy's car and decided to stay at the Best Western Hotel for the night.
Getting a good night's sleep, we all went back to the Wal-Mart (after failing to locate the proper tire supply joint that Kate's GPS system informed us of) and waited for an hour and a half. Soon after, we got our replacement ready and installed, which ment our journey the nation's capital resumed.
While in D.C., we saw the Natives of North America Museum, The United State's Museum of History, The National Air and Space Museum, and the Museum of National History. All were amazing and tremendously sweet. We also saw the Lincoln Memorial, plus the Vietnam and World War II memorials.
Alas, the trip ended way too soon. I had so much fun though. And it was practically mind blowing seeing Kate at my Mom's house. Just plain ol' weird. Good times.
Work's a bitch, but what else is new?
I found my shot records, and now I'll be able to go to college. Whoopee. There's enthusiasm in there, trust me. And I also just went to New Hampshire with Bob, Josh, and Steve to retrieve some fireworks. Oh joyous days.
I'm asking Kate and risking my friendship. All or nothing. I'm sick of have the burden on my heart and mind. This is going to happen the next time we're alone.
I finally did Capoiera. It was awesome! But I got some nasty blisters on my toes, including a sweet blood blister that hurts like hell.
Damn this post is long. Didn't really mean to be, but it worked out that way. Oh well. But yeah. It really is now or never. If I just keep putting it off, I'm going to regret it. Besides, I think it's high time we talked about "us", or the lack there of. Why should it be taboo in conversation? It shouldn't. And like I've said a dozen times here on this sad little blog, if she's rejects me, then that's that. Best to be done with it and look forward. But I know me. I'll likely be subconsciously trying to win her heart with every that I do. I'm such a child.
I've come to the conclusion that I won't begin actual progress towards Birdsong until I hit my classes in college. I'm still fleshing out ideas, plot, characters, and the overall story. Setting up and creating a graphic novel series is way harder than it sounds.
The next post will most likely be the results of me pouring out my deepest feelings for a certain young lady. I hope everything goes alright.
I need to pee.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Endless & 100 Million Dollars
Unfortunately, that's what the pain is.
Great news! I got the days off that I needed for the DC/ Virginia trip! Hurray! This is the next big thing I am looking forward to.
So, I've been told I don't act myself when I'm around Kate. Apparently, I look sad, and there's a visible difference in my "glow", which becomes "dim". Why do you suppose that is? Well, I'm pretty sure it's the fact that I'm infatuated with her, yet she refuses to acknowledge me as a lover, despite her past feelings for me. My love for her is unrequited, so of course I'm gonna feel damn shitty. And I always do when I think about it. I try my best to mask the pain so people don't question me.
I guess I'm not doing a very good job at it. I'll talk to Siggy about this.
Stupid Moulin Rouge, misleading to no end. Aaargh!
If I had 100 Million dollars...
1. I would quit my job and become a full-time student at UHart.
2. Buy a plot of land and build a decent sized house for me and Nancy.
3. Fix the car I have, as it would just be waste (even with millions of dollars) to buy a whole new car.
4. Hire a language instructor who can help teach me the languages I want to speak!
5. Pay for college for all my friends and family.
6. Send some my Parents' way.
7. Send some to the family in the Philippines.
8. Donate to charities of my choice.
9. Buy a decent sail boat and learn how to sail it along the coast.
10. Live my life healthy and the way I've always lived it, just with a large sum of money!
Great news! I got the days off that I needed for the DC/ Virginia trip! Hurray! This is the next big thing I am looking forward to.
So, I've been told I don't act myself when I'm around Kate. Apparently, I look sad, and there's a visible difference in my "glow", which becomes "dim". Why do you suppose that is? Well, I'm pretty sure it's the fact that I'm infatuated with her, yet she refuses to acknowledge me as a lover, despite her past feelings for me. My love for her is unrequited, so of course I'm gonna feel damn shitty. And I always do when I think about it. I try my best to mask the pain so people don't question me.
I guess I'm not doing a very good job at it. I'll talk to Siggy about this.
Stupid Moulin Rouge, misleading to no end. Aaargh!
If I had 100 Million dollars...
1. I would quit my job and become a full-time student at UHart.
2. Buy a plot of land and build a decent sized house for me and Nancy.
3. Fix the car I have, as it would just be waste (even with millions of dollars) to buy a whole new car.
4. Hire a language instructor who can help teach me the languages I want to speak!
5. Pay for college for all my friends and family.
6. Send some my Parents' way.
7. Send some to the family in the Philippines.
8. Donate to charities of my choice.
9. Buy a decent sail boat and learn how to sail it along the coast.
10. Live my life healthy and the way I've always lived it, just with a large sum of money!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Hypocrite
Indeed so.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return". That's true. Too bad my love is unrequited. What makes these statements ironic is that I quoted the first from Kate's status on AIM. I'm starting to feel sick right now. Perhaps I'll delve deeper into this.
I still haven't asked Tim for the days I need off for the DC/Virginia road trip I'm taking with Signe, Nancy, Haley, and Kate. Damnit, I'm gonna do that tomorrow!
I've been thinking a lot about Bird Song, but I haven't done anything for it. All these emotions and ideas need to be channeled through something. I can't let them go to waste.
Well, that's all I got.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return". That's true. Too bad my love is unrequited. What makes these statements ironic is that I quoted the first from Kate's status on AIM. I'm starting to feel sick right now. Perhaps I'll delve deeper into this.
I still haven't asked Tim for the days I need off for the DC/Virginia road trip I'm taking with Signe, Nancy, Haley, and Kate. Damnit, I'm gonna do that tomorrow!
I've been thinking a lot about Bird Song, but I haven't done anything for it. All these emotions and ideas need to be channeled through something. I can't let them go to waste.
Well, that's all I got.
Monday, April 20, 2009
The Half-Baked Bread Baker
That baker sure knows how to roll a fat one. Ha ha!
I've been watching a lot of Naruto Shippuden and Heroes lately. Two very good shows, if you're a fan of that ind of stuff. Whatever, it all keeps me occupied.
Stuff at work's been pissing me off. I haven't been able to get the days I want off. I'm gonna try and mend that tomorrow. I need Sunday off because of Sausage-Fest! Gah! I' gonna cry if I don't get it.
Later this week, I'm gonna get the parts to fix my car before May rolls around.
Damn, time is going by fast.
I've been watching a lot of Naruto Shippuden and Heroes lately. Two very good shows, if you're a fan of that ind of stuff. Whatever, it all keeps me occupied.
Stuff at work's been pissing me off. I haven't been able to get the days I want off. I'm gonna try and mend that tomorrow. I need Sunday off because of Sausage-Fest! Gah! I' gonna cry if I don't get it.
Later this week, I'm gonna get the parts to fix my car before May rolls around.
Damn, time is going by fast.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
You're a Monkey filled with Rocks
You most certainly are.
Any way, geez. This week is just crazy in terms of scheduling at work. I'm not gonna like Friday whatsoever, even if it's only for four hours. If they try to get me to stay longer, I'll say fuck'em! Yeah! Besides, it's all good right?
I've been slacking hard lately. I'm sure I've already stated this in the last post but damn, I really am slacking! I meant to wake up at 8 this morning, but like always, failed to do so. That really needs to stop. Also, since May is next month, this means that I must take care of my car problems pronto. I need to find out how to change the spark plugs and fuel injector? I have no clue. I'll ask Dad when I see him on Sunday.
Hurray for Easter eggs!
I started writing some backstory and started planning some plot to my new "project". Right now, it's called "Bird Song" and in fuses science-fiction, fantasy, action & adventure, drama, and romance all in one! Doesn't that sound exhilarating? I sure hope it does. Also, speaking of exhilarating, this paintball massacre dealy-o is next weekend. I still need to ask for it off. And Capoiera. Sweet, sweet capoiera. I'm excited to start, if I can, that is.
Spending Satuday with Kate and whoever else'll be there. Awesome.
Any way, geez. This week is just crazy in terms of scheduling at work. I'm not gonna like Friday whatsoever, even if it's only for four hours. If they try to get me to stay longer, I'll say fuck'em! Yeah! Besides, it's all good right?
I've been slacking hard lately. I'm sure I've already stated this in the last post but damn, I really am slacking! I meant to wake up at 8 this morning, but like always, failed to do so. That really needs to stop. Also, since May is next month, this means that I must take care of my car problems pronto. I need to find out how to change the spark plugs and fuel injector? I have no clue. I'll ask Dad when I see him on Sunday.
Hurray for Easter eggs!
I started writing some backstory and started planning some plot to my new "project". Right now, it's called "Bird Song" and in fuses science-fiction, fantasy, action & adventure, drama, and romance all in one! Doesn't that sound exhilarating? I sure hope it does. Also, speaking of exhilarating, this paintball massacre dealy-o is next weekend. I still need to ask for it off. And Capoiera. Sweet, sweet capoiera. I'm excited to start, if I can, that is.
Spending Satuday with Kate and whoever else'll be there. Awesome.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Ode to the Slacker
Just kidding. Slacking off is the devil!
Bought a weight. Now I can work on my arms too!
Well, it's almost been a year since I've moved up from Virginia. Ain't that cool? It sure is. Feels weird though.
Hm, I already know what I should be doing, but the question is, will I do it? I damn well should! It's like therapy! That and I haven't been doing a lot of it. No motivation. Then again, when has that ever stopped me? Let's go find some then! Right!
Now I'm just ranting.
Bought a weight. Now I can work on my arms too!
Well, it's almost been a year since I've moved up from Virginia. Ain't that cool? It sure is. Feels weird though.
Hm, I already know what I should be doing, but the question is, will I do it? I damn well should! It's like therapy! That and I haven't been doing a lot of it. No motivation. Then again, when has that ever stopped me? Let's go find some then! Right!
Now I'm just ranting.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Show Me The Way
I need some assistance please.
Maybe I need to lighten up more. Hell, I keep complaining about this, and I know I should've when I had the chance. But I blew it. I kind of regret it now, but I'm sure they'll be more opportunities in the future. It's sad that I'm partially do this so that I can feel that we're even.
This brings me to the supposed road trip we're taking to Washington D.C., if that's actually going to happen. I personally want to, because it could be a lot of fun. I just don't want to feel disappointed when I found out that we can't, for whatever reason. I don't think I could deal with that amount of disappointment all at once. Too much to handle, you know?
I kind of want to see Tonette too, but knowing her, I probably won't see her in D.C. at all unless we stop by Corcoran. Also, the prospective of Kate and Haley meeting my parents in Virginia is weird in itself. Just the thought of Kate being in Virginia would seriously fuck up my psyche, and I'll tell you why. When I think of my time in Virginia, I'm reminded (at first) how sad and depressed I was because I moved away fro Kate and all my friends in Connecticut. It was the epitome of sadness, and later Norfolk became the home I reluctantly embraced, and became the start of a new beginning. Basically, I thought I would never see Kate or anyone from Connecticut again. Which was why when Andy and Matt Slack came down to visit that one summer, it totally blew my mind! Seeing anyone from Connecticut in Virginia totally blew my mind! It was like different memories years apart were fuzing together right in front of me! Same thing happened when Siggy came down with Nancy for my graduation. Totally weird. And now there's the possibility of Kate in Virginia. I think my eyes are going to bleed.
I think Her and Haley spent the night at a Hotel on Friday night. They went to some party involving bowling with Xanth and his buddies. Did they all sleep in the Hotel? Why a Hotel? what was the party for? You know, it's none of my business. As long as there weren't any orgies going on, I couldn't care less, and I shouldn't! Besides, would Kate's parents be okay with that? Hell, I need to stop. You see what I' talking about when I say I'm a bit paranoid? Christ, it seems like it gets worse everyday.
Wow, that was a long paragraph. Any way, I should get in touch with Dale and Pat. I really want to chill with those guys again. Perhaps I'll hit them up on the Face later so we can hang. I totally miss the old days. Speaking of old days, I wonder what John-John and Lindsey are up to? Lindsey is going to be graduating this year, and it's been a couple of years since I've last seen the two, especially John. Those darn Asian kids; we're growing up way too fast.
Well, I've been slacking a lot on Desire. How do I expect to get sweet abs in time for the greatest season of all?
Hells yeah bitches! I really hope summer is going to be kick ass this year. I reeeeaaaaaalllly hope so.
Maybe I need to lighten up more. Hell, I keep complaining about this, and I know I should've when I had the chance. But I blew it. I kind of regret it now, but I'm sure they'll be more opportunities in the future. It's sad that I'm partially do this so that I can feel that we're even.
This brings me to the supposed road trip we're taking to Washington D.C., if that's actually going to happen. I personally want to, because it could be a lot of fun. I just don't want to feel disappointed when I found out that we can't, for whatever reason. I don't think I could deal with that amount of disappointment all at once. Too much to handle, you know?
I kind of want to see Tonette too, but knowing her, I probably won't see her in D.C. at all unless we stop by Corcoran. Also, the prospective of Kate and Haley meeting my parents in Virginia is weird in itself. Just the thought of Kate being in Virginia would seriously fuck up my psyche, and I'll tell you why. When I think of my time in Virginia, I'm reminded (at first) how sad and depressed I was because I moved away fro Kate and all my friends in Connecticut. It was the epitome of sadness, and later Norfolk became the home I reluctantly embraced, and became the start of a new beginning. Basically, I thought I would never see Kate or anyone from Connecticut again. Which was why when Andy and Matt Slack came down to visit that one summer, it totally blew my mind! Seeing anyone from Connecticut in Virginia totally blew my mind! It was like different memories years apart were fuzing together right in front of me! Same thing happened when Siggy came down with Nancy for my graduation. Totally weird. And now there's the possibility of Kate in Virginia. I think my eyes are going to bleed.
I think Her and Haley spent the night at a Hotel on Friday night. They went to some party involving bowling with Xanth and his buddies. Did they all sleep in the Hotel? Why a Hotel? what was the party for? You know, it's none of my business. As long as there weren't any orgies going on, I couldn't care less, and I shouldn't! Besides, would Kate's parents be okay with that? Hell, I need to stop. You see what I' talking about when I say I'm a bit paranoid? Christ, it seems like it gets worse everyday.
Wow, that was a long paragraph. Any way, I should get in touch with Dale and Pat. I really want to chill with those guys again. Perhaps I'll hit them up on the Face later so we can hang. I totally miss the old days. Speaking of old days, I wonder what John-John and Lindsey are up to? Lindsey is going to be graduating this year, and it's been a couple of years since I've last seen the two, especially John. Those darn Asian kids; we're growing up way too fast.
Well, I've been slacking a lot on Desire. How do I expect to get sweet abs in time for the greatest season of all?
Hells yeah bitches! I really hope summer is going to be kick ass this year. I reeeeaaaaaalllly hope so.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Turquoise Colored Soul Blister
Don't ask me what it means.
Damn. This whole graphic novel thing isn't working out too well. I'm being extremely lazy and not drawing. That will change! I've promised myself. I have all these awesome ideas and I'm letting them waste away in my head! Plus, I don't have Photoshop. I suppose I could just do the pencils and ink them. I need to get some advice from actual comic dudes. I know Kazu Kibuishi uses Photoshop to do his colors for his comic strip "Copper", but maybe I'll ask some other established peeps (perhaps some artists featured in the "Flight" anthology).
I'm actually quite looking forward to attending that Job Fair at MCC with Aunt Anna and Uncle Joe, and perhaps Nancy, if she opts to go. I seriously need a better job.
And wouldn't you know it. My internet is down. So, I'm gonna have to wait and post this some other time.
I'm also pretty bored. Not sure what I should do. I could play more RE5, and I probably will, or maybe I'll start reading that Neil Gaiman book, "Fragile Things", or continue with my "Monsters of the Sea" book by that dude. Richard something.
Hell with it. I'm gonna draw! Or atleast attempt to. Dear God. My skills have declined.
Sadface.
Damn. This whole graphic novel thing isn't working out too well. I'm being extremely lazy and not drawing. That will change! I've promised myself. I have all these awesome ideas and I'm letting them waste away in my head! Plus, I don't have Photoshop. I suppose I could just do the pencils and ink them. I need to get some advice from actual comic dudes. I know Kazu Kibuishi uses Photoshop to do his colors for his comic strip "Copper", but maybe I'll ask some other established peeps (perhaps some artists featured in the "Flight" anthology).
I'm actually quite looking forward to attending that Job Fair at MCC with Aunt Anna and Uncle Joe, and perhaps Nancy, if she opts to go. I seriously need a better job.
And wouldn't you know it. My internet is down. So, I'm gonna have to wait and post this some other time.
I'm also pretty bored. Not sure what I should do. I could play more RE5, and I probably will, or maybe I'll start reading that Neil Gaiman book, "Fragile Things", or continue with my "Monsters of the Sea" book by that dude. Richard something.
Hell with it. I'm gonna draw! Or atleast attempt to. Dear God. My skills have declined.
Sadface.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Dull
Indeed so.
I'm don't feel happy, and I don't think I have felt happy for a long time. Ever since I've gotten to experience "life" for what it is, shit just seems harder to take. But, you know, I have every reason to be happy: I'm within close proximity with a loving family, I know and love the best people on this planet and could not simply live without them, and I'm not bound by strict governing, because I basically live on my own, which in returns results in utter freedom. So what's the big deal?
The big deal is that I'm stuck with a crappy part-time job that doesn't pay nearly enough for me to be able to live completely on my own, so in turn I am financially supported by my father. I am completely dependent on his support, which bothers me. I not saying that I'm not grateful for his help, because I am and I love my father, but it saddens me to no end that I'm not capable of supporting myself independently.
And then there's Kate. I can never get over her and I might as well except it. I'm unrequited, and the pain is just what I have to live with indefinitely. The area where my heart is literally hurts (like my chest is caving in on itself) just when I think about her. I maybe in constant emotional pain, but I believe I have control over it. I've taught myself un-harmful and ethical ways of dealing with the pain, like art, exercising, writing, and gaming. Of course, I've always been avid against self-mutilation and suicidal actions and remain true to that. I would never consider such heinous things, thus are never mused.
I just feel dull. Like my life isn't getting any where. Alas, there are better things to do than just to wallow in my own sorrow. In the next couple of days, I'm going to attempt to pave the road to which will lead me to actual happiness. Lol, sounds kind of lame, I know, but it beats sittin' around doing nothing, right?
Smooth Sailings, bitches!
I'm don't feel happy, and I don't think I have felt happy for a long time. Ever since I've gotten to experience "life" for what it is, shit just seems harder to take. But, you know, I have every reason to be happy: I'm within close proximity with a loving family, I know and love the best people on this planet and could not simply live without them, and I'm not bound by strict governing, because I basically live on my own, which in returns results in utter freedom. So what's the big deal?
The big deal is that I'm stuck with a crappy part-time job that doesn't pay nearly enough for me to be able to live completely on my own, so in turn I am financially supported by my father. I am completely dependent on his support, which bothers me. I not saying that I'm not grateful for his help, because I am and I love my father, but it saddens me to no end that I'm not capable of supporting myself independently.
And then there's Kate. I can never get over her and I might as well except it. I'm unrequited, and the pain is just what I have to live with indefinitely. The area where my heart is literally hurts (like my chest is caving in on itself) just when I think about her. I maybe in constant emotional pain, but I believe I have control over it. I've taught myself un-harmful and ethical ways of dealing with the pain, like art, exercising, writing, and gaming. Of course, I've always been avid against self-mutilation and suicidal actions and remain true to that. I would never consider such heinous things, thus are never mused.
I just feel dull. Like my life isn't getting any where. Alas, there are better things to do than just to wallow in my own sorrow. In the next couple of days, I'm going to attempt to pave the road to which will lead me to actual happiness. Lol, sounds kind of lame, I know, but it beats sittin' around doing nothing, right?
Smooth Sailings, bitches!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Completely Flammable
Who doesn't want things burst into flames?
Nevermind, that sounds a bit dangerous.
Well, let me be blunt. Bob and Kay are done. She broke up with him yesterday, thus making her presence permanently absent from the apartment. She already moved all her stuff and the like away to her parent's house. I honestly can't imagine the feelings Bob must be experiencing. I bet it's much more severe than what I've felt in the past. She's still going to pay her part of the rent because she's one the lease, but when June rolls around, that's it. I hope Bob can find the strength to deal with this.
On the flip side, I bought a black steel ring that's situated on my right index finger. Not sure how, but I think it'll serve me well.
I'm stuck. I'm not sure where I' gonna go with the art I'm making. I want to get serious, as much as an amateur that I am, I think it's the best way to get my mind off a lot of things. I've consistently said that I was going to create content that would eventually be compiled into a graphic novel. I still want to do this, but I have so many different ideas and I'm lost on which one I should follow. I'd like to dedicate my time to all of them, but I'm afraid I only have enough patience for one particular set. And when I make that choice, I have to serious develop a decent plot with an understandable story and realistic and lovable characters. It's kind of pissing me off, deciding what to do with all this creativeness. Whatever, if I actually sit down and work things out, I'll find myself on the right direction.
I wonder what's gonna happen now?
Nevermind, that sounds a bit dangerous.
Well, let me be blunt. Bob and Kay are done. She broke up with him yesterday, thus making her presence permanently absent from the apartment. She already moved all her stuff and the like away to her parent's house. I honestly can't imagine the feelings Bob must be experiencing. I bet it's much more severe than what I've felt in the past. She's still going to pay her part of the rent because she's one the lease, but when June rolls around, that's it. I hope Bob can find the strength to deal with this.
On the flip side, I bought a black steel ring that's situated on my right index finger. Not sure how, but I think it'll serve me well.
I'm stuck. I'm not sure where I' gonna go with the art I'm making. I want to get serious, as much as an amateur that I am, I think it's the best way to get my mind off a lot of things. I've consistently said that I was going to create content that would eventually be compiled into a graphic novel. I still want to do this, but I have so many different ideas and I'm lost on which one I should follow. I'd like to dedicate my time to all of them, but I'm afraid I only have enough patience for one particular set. And when I make that choice, I have to serious develop a decent plot with an understandable story and realistic and lovable characters. It's kind of pissing me off, deciding what to do with all this creativeness. Whatever, if I actually sit down and work things out, I'll find myself on the right direction.
I wonder what's gonna happen now?
Sunday, March 8, 2009
I Can't Sleep
I just can't.
Today, or rather yesterday, should've been the nail in the coffin, but it isn't. Why is that? Despite the clear images the work against me and my goal? Am I just so much of a loser I can't just let go? Yeah, probably. But I'm a loser in love. Even though her heart is not there for me to take, I'll wait.
I'm going to ask her if she's dating Xanth, although I'm pretty sure she is. They act so complimentary to each other. And if they are, then I don't want to get in between them. I'll be happy for them.
Edit 3:01p.m.
Sooooo, I guess they're not dating, as she said to me, but he (Xanth) is just "really cuddly".
I suppose you can say the same thing about me too, so I guess that's that, for now.
Today, or rather yesterday, should've been the nail in the coffin, but it isn't. Why is that? Despite the clear images the work against me and my goal? Am I just so much of a loser I can't just let go? Yeah, probably. But I'm a loser in love. Even though her heart is not there for me to take, I'll wait.
I'm going to ask her if she's dating Xanth, although I'm pretty sure she is. They act so complimentary to each other. And if they are, then I don't want to get in between them. I'll be happy for them.
Edit 3:01p.m.
Sooooo, I guess they're not dating, as she said to me, but he (Xanth) is just "really cuddly".
I suppose you can say the same thing about me too, so I guess that's that, for now.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Clockin' the Jiz
WTF is up with my entry titles lately?
Any way, I hope Nancy gets this kick ass job at ING. She needs that money, yo. Then again, doesn't everybody? I know I do, shit.
I'm going to try to keep myself from shedding some tears tomorrow. Damn, I was crying like a baby last year. I tried to suck it up like man, but the loss was just so much. I miss Grandpa.
Today will be interesting, to say the least.
Oh, by the way, before I forget, let jut say this: Fuck work. I swear, they seem to be fuckin' around with me over at that hole in the Earth.
Pft.
Any way, I hope Nancy gets this kick ass job at ING. She needs that money, yo. Then again, doesn't everybody? I know I do, shit.
I'm going to try to keep myself from shedding some tears tomorrow. Damn, I was crying like a baby last year. I tried to suck it up like man, but the loss was just so much. I miss Grandpa.
Today will be interesting, to say the least.
Oh, by the way, before I forget, let jut say this: Fuck work. I swear, they seem to be fuckin' around with me over at that hole in the Earth.
Pft.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
The Escapist and His Antidote
No, it's not the website that Yahtzee bases his awesome game reviews from.
So, how many times have I blogged about this? Probably a dozen. Now, I seriously think I need to do something about it. It's literally making me feel sick from the inside. Why am I doing this to myself? It's really unnecessary. And very childish of me. Why can't I just let it go? December. I told her in December, but I lied. I said I expected nothing from her in return, when what I really wanted was her love. But I just didn't get that. I'm under the impression it belongs to somebody else.
My plan now is to escape from all these negatives in my head by doing something that will definitely remedy me, my soul, and hopefully put me back on track: to draw. Art has constantly been the one thing to ease my mind and I'm in need of that antidote.
March is here. I have the rest of this month to actually start, and perhaps by summer, I'll have the best weapon of all.
I've gone completely insane.
So, how many times have I blogged about this? Probably a dozen. Now, I seriously think I need to do something about it. It's literally making me feel sick from the inside. Why am I doing this to myself? It's really unnecessary. And very childish of me. Why can't I just let it go? December. I told her in December, but I lied. I said I expected nothing from her in return, when what I really wanted was her love. But I just didn't get that. I'm under the impression it belongs to somebody else.
My plan now is to escape from all these negatives in my head by doing something that will definitely remedy me, my soul, and hopefully put me back on track: to draw. Art has constantly been the one thing to ease my mind and I'm in need of that antidote.
March is here. I have the rest of this month to actually start, and perhaps by summer, I'll have the best weapon of all.
I've gone completely insane.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Suck-tastic: My Day at Work!
The Reckoning!
In theaters never.
So, coupled with a crappy-ass day at work, I find myself at a crossroad. I'm torn, but not between Scylla and Charybdis. Or maybe I am? Well, let's see: I hate my job (only when I'm on the register), but I like my co-workers and my bosses, I hate getting paid minimum wage but it's all I've got right now.
In conclusion, I'm going to continue my search for a better job. Better paying, perhaps. We shall see.
You know what? I had a funny feeling today was going to suck ass. I just knew it.
Ugh.
In theaters never.
So, coupled with a crappy-ass day at work, I find myself at a crossroad. I'm torn, but not between Scylla and Charybdis. Or maybe I am? Well, let's see: I hate my job (only when I'm on the register), but I like my co-workers and my bosses, I hate getting paid minimum wage but it's all I've got right now.
In conclusion, I'm going to continue my search for a better job. Better paying, perhaps. We shall see.
You know what? I had a funny feeling today was going to suck ass. I just knew it.
Ugh.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
The Weary Hand
It just ain't what it used to be.
So, I've decided to dedicate a majority of my time improving my drawing skills, as they have waned due to years of neglect. How do I expect to illustrate my wonderful stories if I lack the artistic drive? How indeed.
Until I get my money back in taxes so I can do the stuff I've wanted to do for awhile, I'm gonna turn my focus towards drawing and computing. And my books, which I haven't read through yet. I will though, I promise.
I haven't entirely decided what I wanted to do with the UFA. I've been focusing on elements with so much depth that I've ignored the things I should have been working on from the start. Like the actual plot. Gee, who knew, right? It always ends up like that.
I'm still in development, so I don't need to buy any big fancy paper to draw on yet. I want to make sure my skills are up to par before I do any actual progress with the UFA. Another thing I need to do is to give the damn thing a fucking title. That's a start. It's just so difficult to do so. I can spend hours trying to figure out a really kick ass and meaningful title. Hours. Without coming to a final choice.
Whatever. Back to drawing.
So, I've decided to dedicate a majority of my time improving my drawing skills, as they have waned due to years of neglect. How do I expect to illustrate my wonderful stories if I lack the artistic drive? How indeed.
Until I get my money back in taxes so I can do the stuff I've wanted to do for awhile, I'm gonna turn my focus towards drawing and computing. And my books, which I haven't read through yet. I will though, I promise.
I haven't entirely decided what I wanted to do with the UFA. I've been focusing on elements with so much depth that I've ignored the things I should have been working on from the start. Like the actual plot. Gee, who knew, right? It always ends up like that.
I'm still in development, so I don't need to buy any big fancy paper to draw on yet. I want to make sure my skills are up to par before I do any actual progress with the UFA. Another thing I need to do is to give the damn thing a fucking title. That's a start. It's just so difficult to do so. I can spend hours trying to figure out a really kick ass and meaningful title. Hours. Without coming to a final choice.
Whatever. Back to drawing.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Crying Over Spilled Rum
¡ooʍ ¡ɹǝqɯnu ʍǝu ɐ ɹoɟ ʎpɐǝɹ ǝq ˙uoos ǝuoɥd ןןǝɔ ʎɯ ƃuıʇʇǝƃ ǝq ןן,\ı
˙oƃ ʇǝן oʇ uɹɐǝן oʇ pǝǝu ʎןןɐǝɹ ı ˙ʎןɹɐǝ ooʇ ǝq ןןıʇs ʎɐɯ ʇı ˙ʍouʞ noʎ 'ʎɐp s,\ǝuıʇuǝןɐʌ uo sıɥʇ ssǝɹdxǝ oʇ ʇuɐʍ ı ɟı ǝɹns ʇou ɯ,\ı puɐ 'ǝʇɐʞ ǝʌoן ןןıʇs ı
˙ǝɹısǝp uo ʞɹoʍ oʇ pǝǝu ןןıʇs ı ˙sı ʇɐɥʇ 'ʎɐp ǝɥʇ ɟo ˙puǝ ǝɥʇ ɹoɟ ʇdǝɔxǝ ƃuıɥʇʎuɐ ʇnoqɐ ʞuıɥʇ oʇ ʇuɐʍ ʇ,\uop ʇsnɾ ı ǝɹǝɥʍ sʎɐp ǝɯos ǝʌɐɥ ɐuuoƃ sı ɥʇuoɯ sıɥʇ ˙ʞɔɐɹʇ uo ʞɔɐq ƃuıʇʇǝƃ ʎןʍoןs sı ǝɟıן ʎɯ 'ʎɐʍʎuɐ
˙ʎuunɟ ǝq pןnoʍ ʇı ʇɥƃnoɥʇ ʇsnɾ ı 'sıɥʇ op oʇ pǝpıɔǝp ı ʎɥʍ uosɐǝɹ ɹɐןnɔıʇɹɐd ou s,\ǝɹǝɥʇ ˙noʎ oʇ sopnʞ uǝɥʇ ʎɹʇuǝ ƃoןq sıɥʇ ɹǝɥdıɔǝp oʇ pǝƃɐuɐɯ noʎ ɟı
˙sǝʎ ɥo
˙oƃ ʇǝן oʇ uɹɐǝן oʇ pǝǝu ʎןןɐǝɹ ı ˙ʎןɹɐǝ ooʇ ǝq ןןıʇs ʎɐɯ ʇı ˙ʍouʞ noʎ 'ʎɐp s,\ǝuıʇuǝןɐʌ uo sıɥʇ ssǝɹdxǝ oʇ ʇuɐʍ ı ɟı ǝɹns ʇou ɯ,\ı puɐ 'ǝʇɐʞ ǝʌoן ןןıʇs ı
˙ǝɹısǝp uo ʞɹoʍ oʇ pǝǝu ןןıʇs ı ˙sı ʇɐɥʇ 'ʎɐp ǝɥʇ ɟo ˙puǝ ǝɥʇ ɹoɟ ʇdǝɔxǝ ƃuıɥʇʎuɐ ʇnoqɐ ʞuıɥʇ oʇ ʇuɐʍ ʇ,\uop ʇsnɾ ı ǝɹǝɥʍ sʎɐp ǝɯos ǝʌɐɥ ɐuuoƃ sı ɥʇuoɯ sıɥʇ ˙ʞɔɐɹʇ uo ʞɔɐq ƃuıʇʇǝƃ ʎןʍoןs sı ǝɟıן ʎɯ 'ʎɐʍʎuɐ
˙ʎuunɟ ǝq pןnoʍ ʇı ʇɥƃnoɥʇ ʇsnɾ ı 'sıɥʇ op oʇ pǝpıɔǝp ı ʎɥʍ uosɐǝɹ ɹɐןnɔıʇɹɐd ou s,\ǝɹǝɥʇ ˙noʎ oʇ sopnʞ uǝɥʇ ʎɹʇuǝ ƃoןq sıɥʇ ɹǝɥdıɔǝp oʇ pǝƃɐuɐɯ noʎ ɟı
˙sǝʎ ɥo
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Let the Worries Begin
I am not prepared.
Well, money has become an issue once again. Of course, I'm not stating that currently, but I will be, in the very near future. Many things are gonna happen, which will result in me investing my money to keep a few necessities existent.
Like my cell phone, which is subjected to change very soon.
My car insurance, which subjected to change very soon.
And quite possibly my life, although that may take s longer amount of time to change, but not far off.
Work is tiresome. At a glance, I guess it shouldn't really be all that tiring, but it is. It could be my depression. That would explain a lot. It would explain why I'm tired all of the time, and also why I don't have all the energy I used too. But why am I depressed? Well, let's take a look:
1. I have no love life. I want a relationship, but maybe it's too early. I'm not completely sure. My indecisiveness depresses me, along with my lack of a significant partner.
2. I'm not where I want to be physically. Of course, I could start to change that. I mean, I have all the motivation in the world to start, but why have I not begun? Is it really motivation after all? No, I suppose not.
3. I don't make nearly enough to be single handily be paying for my cell phone bill, my car insurance, and my rent on a monthly basis. In total, that's gonna be like $600 - $800 dollars. Awesome for me.
4. I didn't start college when I wanted to, but then again, It's my fault that happened. I accept that.
I can't think of any more, but I will put more once I think of them. Any way, I always asked to myself, "does karma exist?" I don't think I've done anything wrong, and I'm always polite and grateful to people. So why am I frequently getting shit in my face? Why do financial and other worldly problems seem to plague me? It could just be the way life is. And if that's true, then I hate life, as it is for me now. Granted, life has its good moments, but when you sift through all the shit, you'll be able to find them.
And you can quote me on that!
Hurray for February!
[/sarcasm].
Well, money has become an issue once again. Of course, I'm not stating that currently, but I will be, in the very near future. Many things are gonna happen, which will result in me investing my money to keep a few necessities existent.
Like my cell phone, which is subjected to change very soon.
My car insurance, which subjected to change very soon.
And quite possibly my life, although that may take s longer amount of time to change, but not far off.
Work is tiresome. At a glance, I guess it shouldn't really be all that tiring, but it is. It could be my depression. That would explain a lot. It would explain why I'm tired all of the time, and also why I don't have all the energy I used too. But why am I depressed? Well, let's take a look:
1. I have no love life. I want a relationship, but maybe it's too early. I'm not completely sure. My indecisiveness depresses me, along with my lack of a significant partner.
2. I'm not where I want to be physically. Of course, I could start to change that. I mean, I have all the motivation in the world to start, but why have I not begun? Is it really motivation after all? No, I suppose not.
3. I don't make nearly enough to be single handily be paying for my cell phone bill, my car insurance, and my rent on a monthly basis. In total, that's gonna be like $600 - $800 dollars. Awesome for me.
4. I didn't start college when I wanted to, but then again, It's my fault that happened. I accept that.
I can't think of any more, but I will put more once I think of them. Any way, I always asked to myself, "does karma exist?" I don't think I've done anything wrong, and I'm always polite and grateful to people. So why am I frequently getting shit in my face? Why do financial and other worldly problems seem to plague me? It could just be the way life is. And if that's true, then I hate life, as it is for me now. Granted, life has its good moments, but when you sift through all the shit, you'll be able to find them.
And you can quote me on that!
Hurray for February!
[/sarcasm].
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Preparations
That's the deal, and it's the plan.
Well, I'm still clueless on how the pay check thing works, so I'm gonna have to speak with Jowett about it.
Not much to say here. I know what I'm supposed to do, now that I'm not attending college, but I will eventually. Eventually.
It's not that bad I guess. One semester behind, that's okay. But, do I really think what may happen, will happen? Well, there are going to be some positives out of it, which I'm proud of myself for finding. I say, let it happen then! I'll be quite interested to see what becomes of everyone else when it does, if it does.
A couple of things need to happen between now and summer. As soon as I get my first paycheck, I'll use that money to start a membership at Planet Fitness. One Tuesday, I need to traverse to MCC and speak with someone from the Registrar's Office about my current situation down there. Then, I need to be my own cell phone.
February is going to be an interesting month indeed.
EDIT - Monday. January 26, 2009
You know, it just hit me. Kate will probably make new friends at MCC, and she may invite them over for Friend Night. I may be seeing some new faces soon... guy faces... or maybe chicks. Hopefully no dudes though.
Fucking dudes.
But I'm gonna place a $10 bet on this! New faces or no? Let the betting begin!
Well, I'm still clueless on how the pay check thing works, so I'm gonna have to speak with Jowett about it.
Not much to say here. I know what I'm supposed to do, now that I'm not attending college, but I will eventually. Eventually.
It's not that bad I guess. One semester behind, that's okay. But, do I really think what may happen, will happen? Well, there are going to be some positives out of it, which I'm proud of myself for finding. I say, let it happen then! I'll be quite interested to see what becomes of everyone else when it does, if it does.
A couple of things need to happen between now and summer. As soon as I get my first paycheck, I'll use that money to start a membership at Planet Fitness. One Tuesday, I need to traverse to MCC and speak with someone from the Registrar's Office about my current situation down there. Then, I need to be my own cell phone.
February is going to be an interesting month indeed.
EDIT - Monday. January 26, 2009
You know, it just hit me. Kate will probably make new friends at MCC, and she may invite them over for Friend Night. I may be seeing some new faces soon... guy faces... or maybe chicks. Hopefully no dudes though.
Fucking dudes.
But I'm gonna place a $10 bet on this! New faces or no? Let the betting begin!
Monday, January 19, 2009
Shit Happens
It most certainly does.
It looks like I'll be hitting the books in the summer, as I won't be registering for college in the spring, because of difficulties on retrieving my shot records that may or may not still be in Virginia. Whoopee.
At least I'll be working, kind of. Part-time. But that's better than nothing, right?
So, until summer rolls around, I'll be doing pretty much nothing, except working out, and working.
Whatever.
It's time to hop back on the ship of ambiguity and sail the sea of obscurity en route to What-The-Fuck-Do-I-Do-Now Island.
It has nice weather this time of the season.
It looks like I'll be hitting the books in the summer, as I won't be registering for college in the spring, because of difficulties on retrieving my shot records that may or may not still be in Virginia. Whoopee.
At least I'll be working, kind of. Part-time. But that's better than nothing, right?
So, until summer rolls around, I'll be doing pretty much nothing, except working out, and working.
Whatever.
It's time to hop back on the ship of ambiguity and sail the sea of obscurity en route to What-The-Fuck-Do-I-Do-Now Island.
It has nice weather this time of the season.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
So Much To Do, So Little Time
Time restraints piss me off.
Well, my bad case of unemployment has finally been lifted. We shall see how this goes for me. I hope everything turns out okay.
College! The fees! Oh, the fees! The financial aid! The money! The thousands of dollars towards education! It's all too much to bare! I feel as though as I'm being crushed underneath a boulder of death! Or a really obese man with dollar bills shoved down his tighty whities.
The end of this month will surely be interesting. I'm kicking off the new year with a new initiative! Look where it's getting me!
I think I'm spinning way too fast. I should hold onto something.
Well, my bad case of unemployment has finally been lifted. We shall see how this goes for me. I hope everything turns out okay.
College! The fees! Oh, the fees! The financial aid! The money! The thousands of dollars towards education! It's all too much to bare! I feel as though as I'm being crushed underneath a boulder of death! Or a really obese man with dollar bills shoved down his tighty whities.
The end of this month will surely be interesting. I'm kicking off the new year with a new initiative! Look where it's getting me!
I think I'm spinning way too fast. I should hold onto something.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Multilingual Legacy
Language is awesome.
So, I'd like to set a major goal for myself to accomplish, and here it is:
Learn and speak fluently in Chinese (Mandurin), Italian, Filipino (Tagalog), Japanese, and Spanish, all before I'm 30 years old!
Ready, go!
So, I'd like to set a major goal for myself to accomplish, and here it is:
Learn and speak fluently in Chinese (Mandurin), Italian, Filipino (Tagalog), Japanese, and Spanish, all before I'm 30 years old!
Ready, go!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Dreamweaver
2009 has come. Now what?
Well, I guess I got to fill out that D'Angelo's paper. Best thing I got, and I'm really counting on it.
Shit. I need to talk to Dad about FAFSA again. I think the deadline is not until later this month, like the 29th or so. But still, it's an issue that I must resolve now.
Oh, I need to make this new year an awesome year. I can't let stupid things hold me down. That's my New Year's resolution. Someone's optimism is back.
I'm excited.
Well, I guess I got to fill out that D'Angelo's paper. Best thing I got, and I'm really counting on it.
Shit. I need to talk to Dad about FAFSA again. I think the deadline is not until later this month, like the 29th or so. But still, it's an issue that I must resolve now.
Oh, I need to make this new year an awesome year. I can't let stupid things hold me down. That's my New Year's resolution. Someone's optimism is back.
I'm excited.
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