Not to be confused with occupied shells.
It sucks knowing people are out and about, while you're stuck waiting to clock in at work later in the evening. Wish I could be at Christine's graduation, but can't. Oh well.
I don't wanna know, therefore I cease to think about it.
Ugh. I love how I'm gonna have to start learning how to draw from the very beginning because of years of neglect. I'm so mad that I was lazy and never pursued my drawing skill up until now. I bring this up because of my ongoing project called "Birds of Bright", previously known as "Bird Song". Gah! Now that I want to write and illustrate my own graphic novel, I have to learn everything all over again! It's aggravating! Whenever I'm on the Flight forums and view the art that's up there, I feel so inferior! Sucks.
Tomorrow, I have to contact someone at MCC. And also pay my internets bill. Yay!
I'm not sure where I'm going. I did what I wanted but got nothing in return, so I'm left without a plan. It's hard being stuck in such a position. I'm sure I'll think of something, or I'll be walking this fine line for quite some time! A line of unrequited love, self-improvement, jealousy, awkward sexual tensions, financial issues, and video games! O joy!
Whateves.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Let's Talk About Love II
She's my disease that's slowly corroding my very living-fiber.
Yay!
So, I've just now come to realize that this is like a diary more so than an open blog. As far as I know, no one reads this except me and, occasionally, my sister. Whatever. I couldn't care less otherwise.
Following up on some advice my Dad gave me, I visited Roosh V's website. Now, I don't agree with a number of things this guy does or believes in. However, the dude is a master at "the game", and that's something any guy can respect, especially me. Roosh gets laid regularly with pretty women. I suppose you can say that I'm a bit jealous, but any guy would be. However, as stupid and gay as this may sound, I'm not looking for only sex. Surprise! I've heard love is only for women and gays. That's total bullshit. Some of these guys have problems that I don't want to know about, maing them into heartless robots that just want an sweet ass on their cock. Excuse my derogatory choice of words, but it's true. Now, I'm not saying sex is bad; hell no. What I am saying is that I value and cherish the connection that is established between two lovers. Sex usually always comes after, right? So there's no worries.
Any way, I registered to Roosh's forum. I posted my plight and watched as Roosh's finest commented. The comments were what I thought they would be. Here are some examples:
"Date other women"
"... stop talking to her completely."
"in your case, you're beating a dead horse..."
And my favorite from Roosh himself:
"Be a man and move on."
Personally, I'm only listening to some of these comments. Unfortunately, I can't listen to Roosh's comment, and here's why. Kate is so deeply rooted into me, that it just not easy to forget about her. I can't. You see, it was easy She's still my friend and I love her. I cant just abandon that, not me. Other guys may find that easy, but I don't. She may not "love" me back, but I know she cares about me.
Also, I do want to date other women, as I think that would finaly get my mind and conscious off of her. Problem is: I don't know any other women! At least, not until I start college, which won't be until Fall. I'm also 19, so it's not like I can pick up girls in bars or clubs. And let me tell you, there is no game to be had at work. Unless you like raisins. Heh heh.
On the subject of ceasing to talk to her, I will start to go weeks without speaking to her, dropping a line on occassion. She'll have to talk to me, not the other way around.
Let's face it, I'm such a loser. So many opportunities in Virginia to get laid, but I never took them. I'm perpetually stuck in love with a friend who's not even interested in me anymore. And I'm not even sure Desire will work, but it's still a plan. Desire mostly comprises of me getting in the best shape of my life. Even though it was originally planned just to get Kate back, if I can get some extra attention, I would welcome that too.
This summer is going to suck, because I'm going to force myself to stop thinking about Kate in such a romantic manner. And her obvious interest in Xanth is tough to deal with. But you know what? Fuck it.
Love hurt so damn much but what else is new, right?
Yay!
So, I've just now come to realize that this is like a diary more so than an open blog. As far as I know, no one reads this except me and, occasionally, my sister. Whatever. I couldn't care less otherwise.
Following up on some advice my Dad gave me, I visited Roosh V's website. Now, I don't agree with a number of things this guy does or believes in. However, the dude is a master at "the game", and that's something any guy can respect, especially me. Roosh gets laid regularly with pretty women. I suppose you can say that I'm a bit jealous, but any guy would be. However, as stupid and gay as this may sound, I'm not looking for only sex. Surprise! I've heard love is only for women and gays. That's total bullshit. Some of these guys have problems that I don't want to know about, maing them into heartless robots that just want an sweet ass on their cock. Excuse my derogatory choice of words, but it's true. Now, I'm not saying sex is bad; hell no. What I am saying is that I value and cherish the connection that is established between two lovers. Sex usually always comes after, right? So there's no worries.
Any way, I registered to Roosh's forum. I posted my plight and watched as Roosh's finest commented. The comments were what I thought they would be. Here are some examples:
"Date other women"
"... stop talking to her completely."
"in your case, you're beating a dead horse..."
And my favorite from Roosh himself:
"Be a man and move on."
Personally, I'm only listening to some of these comments. Unfortunately, I can't listen to Roosh's comment, and here's why. Kate is so deeply rooted into me, that it just not easy to forget about her. I can't. You see, it was easy She's still my friend and I love her. I cant just abandon that, not me. Other guys may find that easy, but I don't. She may not "love" me back, but I know she cares about me.
Also, I do want to date other women, as I think that would finaly get my mind and conscious off of her. Problem is: I don't know any other women! At least, not until I start college, which won't be until Fall. I'm also 19, so it's not like I can pick up girls in bars or clubs. And let me tell you, there is no game to be had at work. Unless you like raisins. Heh heh.
On the subject of ceasing to talk to her, I will start to go weeks without speaking to her, dropping a line on occassion. She'll have to talk to me, not the other way around.
Let's face it, I'm such a loser. So many opportunities in Virginia to get laid, but I never took them. I'm perpetually stuck in love with a friend who's not even interested in me anymore. And I'm not even sure Desire will work, but it's still a plan. Desire mostly comprises of me getting in the best shape of my life. Even though it was originally planned just to get Kate back, if I can get some extra attention, I would welcome that too.
This summer is going to suck, because I'm going to force myself to stop thinking about Kate in such a romantic manner. And her obvious interest in Xanth is tough to deal with. But you know what? Fuck it.
Love hurt so damn much but what else is new, right?
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
The Cold Hard Truth
Makes me feel interesting.
Ah, this is what I was waiting for. An opportunity to talk to Kate, and some 10 minutes ago I did just that: I gave her the "talk". She listened to what I had to say, albeit my shaking and distorted words. Damn, was I nervous! But I had every right to be; I was asking out one of my best and closest friends. This is what she said:
"I mean, it's been great seeing you again, but I'm just not interested in seeing anyone, right now."
Rejection!
At its finest. Now, I was wondering on my way back home, if by "anyone" she meant "me". That she's "just not interested in seeing [me]". Well, if she meant "me", I'm pretty damn sure she would've said "you", which is referring to me, of course. There really shouldn't be any reason for me to speculate, and I trust her words as she said them. If she was interested in anyone else, say, Xanth* for example, she would've said "I'm sorry Mikey, but I like Xanth and no one else". But she didn't, and I should have no reason to think otherwise.
This also leads to a question: do I really want a relationship in this point in my life? Perhaps not, if I really look at it. Her answer doesn't change my feelings for her. I'm still in love with Kathryn, but I know now to back off at certain points. I should really focus now on bettering myself and improving my body and mind. Maybe they'll be room in the future for the two of us to be together, but it's far too early to tell.
On the upside, Nancy might be getting the ING job after all! Aaryn said that she's in the classes slated for July! This is good news. Nancy deserves this job, and I hope she does well and has nothing but success.
As for me, I'm going to keep on hoping that Kathryn will rethink it through, or perhaps we can be together in the future. But who know for sure?
I'm tired and I have work at 8 in the morning so, a grood night to you.
*Xanth is the only other guy I can see Kate dating. He's a good guy. A relationship between the two wouldn't be too far off. However, Xanth is going to college in Vermont. And Kate has told me that he and her are not dating, despite questionable circumstances. Whatever. I believe her. So yeah. They couldn't be dating because Xanth is going to another state for college and I doubt they'd risk the "long distance" dealy-o.
Ah, this is what I was waiting for. An opportunity to talk to Kate, and some 10 minutes ago I did just that: I gave her the "talk". She listened to what I had to say, albeit my shaking and distorted words. Damn, was I nervous! But I had every right to be; I was asking out one of my best and closest friends. This is what she said:
"I mean, it's been great seeing you again, but I'm just not interested in seeing anyone, right now."
Rejection!
At its finest. Now, I was wondering on my way back home, if by "anyone" she meant "me". That she's "just not interested in seeing [me]". Well, if she meant "me", I'm pretty damn sure she would've said "you", which is referring to me, of course. There really shouldn't be any reason for me to speculate, and I trust her words as she said them. If she was interested in anyone else, say, Xanth* for example, she would've said "I'm sorry Mikey, but I like Xanth and no one else". But she didn't, and I should have no reason to think otherwise.
This also leads to a question: do I really want a relationship in this point in my life? Perhaps not, if I really look at it. Her answer doesn't change my feelings for her. I'm still in love with Kathryn, but I know now to back off at certain points. I should really focus now on bettering myself and improving my body and mind. Maybe they'll be room in the future for the two of us to be together, but it's far too early to tell.
On the upside, Nancy might be getting the ING job after all! Aaryn said that she's in the classes slated for July! This is good news. Nancy deserves this job, and I hope she does well and has nothing but success.
As for me, I'm going to keep on hoping that Kathryn will rethink it through, or perhaps we can be together in the future. But who know for sure?
I'm tired and I have work at 8 in the morning so, a grood night to you.
*Xanth is the only other guy I can see Kate dating. He's a good guy. A relationship between the two wouldn't be too far off. However, Xanth is going to college in Vermont. And Kate has told me that he and her are not dating, despite questionable circumstances. Whatever. I believe her. So yeah. They couldn't be dating because Xanth is going to another state for college and I doubt they'd risk the "long distance" dealy-o.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Thundering Screams
I scared myself.
What the hell? They spend nights over his house? When the fuck did this happen? Let me tell you, I was pretty surprised when I found this out. Okay, so I was devastated, screamin' and shit, but I got over it! At least she didn't try to hide it and stuff. This is all gettin' to my head so fast. I need to chill.
So I chickened out again. I'm sure Siggy will be disappointed in me, and Nancy, but whatever. I'm gonna tell her soon! I swear it! It's just today, with her Grandfather's birthday and all, I didn't think it was the "right" time to say it. For now, I'll stay quiet until I find the opportune time. I fuckin' swear I will.
I really wanna help Nancy out so badly. Even if I won, say, one thousand dollars or more, I'd put a considerable amount into getting Nancy a decent filming camera. Her happiness is important to me and I want her to know it.
There's lightning outside, but I don't hear any thunder. Muffled lightning? I think so.
edit:
Depending on what lies in her schedule, I may be seeing her tomorrow, thus I am going to give the "talk" to her.
Like I've said before, I'm going in knowing that there's a great chance that she will turn me down. But even so, I have to know how she feels! I can't help but to think about everything she's said and done in the past, and how that may help me. She still wears the ring I've given her, and she's said that she wears it because she still thinks of me. So many things left unanswered! Tomorrow, I'm gonna have the balls and ask her. There's no other way around it. A 90% chance she says no to another chance, and 10% she says yes to my plead for love.
And so it continues. I'll have an interesting story for the next entry, for sure.
What the hell? They spend nights over his house? When the fuck did this happen? Let me tell you, I was pretty surprised when I found this out. Okay, so I was devastated, screamin' and shit, but I got over it! At least she didn't try to hide it and stuff. This is all gettin' to my head so fast. I need to chill.
So I chickened out again. I'm sure Siggy will be disappointed in me, and Nancy, but whatever. I'm gonna tell her soon! I swear it! It's just today, with her Grandfather's birthday and all, I didn't think it was the "right" time to say it. For now, I'll stay quiet until I find the opportune time. I fuckin' swear I will.
I really wanna help Nancy out so badly. Even if I won, say, one thousand dollars or more, I'd put a considerable amount into getting Nancy a decent filming camera. Her happiness is important to me and I want her to know it.
There's lightning outside, but I don't hear any thunder. Muffled lightning? I think so.
edit:
Depending on what lies in her schedule, I may be seeing her tomorrow, thus I am going to give the "talk" to her.
Like I've said before, I'm going in knowing that there's a great chance that she will turn me down. But even so, I have to know how she feels! I can't help but to think about everything she's said and done in the past, and how that may help me. She still wears the ring I've given her, and she's said that she wears it because she still thinks of me. So many things left unanswered! Tomorrow, I'm gonna have the balls and ask her. There's no other way around it. A 90% chance she says no to another chance, and 10% she says yes to my plead for love.
And so it continues. I'll have an interesting story for the next entry, for sure.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Road Trips Are the Latest Trend, Seriously
So much has happened. Where do I begin?
The trip to Washington D.C. was blast and it went by too fast. Nancy, Siggy, Kate, Haley, and I left Thursday morning and headed for Philadelphia, where Siggy used to live. Let me tell you, that was a beautiful neighborhood that anyone would dream, or kill, to be apart of. I know I would have. We entered the famed Mutter Museum, which showcases and displays an aray of medical oddities. And I got to see the giant colon! Awesome. After dicking around in Philly for a couple of hours, we embarked for Washington D.C. with high hopes and excitement. However, our enthusiasm would soon be shot down as a chunk of the tread from Nancy's front right tire flew off from high speeds, causing us to pull over at a Citco gas station and inspect the damage. The tire was a loss, and we made it a team effort to take it off and place the spare tire in it's stead. Hoping to get an imidiate replacement, we set off for the nearby Wal-Mart Supercenter. To our luck, their Car and Tire services were closed for the day. Cold, wet, and tired, the lot of us hobbled back into Nancy's car and decided to stay at the Best Western Hotel for the night.
Getting a good night's sleep, we all went back to the Wal-Mart (after failing to locate the proper tire supply joint that Kate's GPS system informed us of) and waited for an hour and a half. Soon after, we got our replacement ready and installed, which ment our journey the nation's capital resumed.
While in D.C., we saw the Natives of North America Museum, The United State's Museum of History, The National Air and Space Museum, and the Museum of National History. All were amazing and tremendously sweet. We also saw the Lincoln Memorial, plus the Vietnam and World War II memorials.
Alas, the trip ended way too soon. I had so much fun though. And it was practically mind blowing seeing Kate at my Mom's house. Just plain ol' weird. Good times.
Work's a bitch, but what else is new?
I found my shot records, and now I'll be able to go to college. Whoopee. There's enthusiasm in there, trust me. And I also just went to New Hampshire with Bob, Josh, and Steve to retrieve some fireworks. Oh joyous days.
I'm asking Kate and risking my friendship. All or nothing. I'm sick of have the burden on my heart and mind. This is going to happen the next time we're alone.
I finally did Capoiera. It was awesome! But I got some nasty blisters on my toes, including a sweet blood blister that hurts like hell.
Damn this post is long. Didn't really mean to be, but it worked out that way. Oh well. But yeah. It really is now or never. If I just keep putting it off, I'm going to regret it. Besides, I think it's high time we talked about "us", or the lack there of. Why should it be taboo in conversation? It shouldn't. And like I've said a dozen times here on this sad little blog, if she's rejects me, then that's that. Best to be done with it and look forward. But I know me. I'll likely be subconsciously trying to win her heart with every that I do. I'm such a child.
I've come to the conclusion that I won't begin actual progress towards Birdsong until I hit my classes in college. I'm still fleshing out ideas, plot, characters, and the overall story. Setting up and creating a graphic novel series is way harder than it sounds.
The next post will most likely be the results of me pouring out my deepest feelings for a certain young lady. I hope everything goes alright.
I need to pee.
The trip to Washington D.C. was blast and it went by too fast. Nancy, Siggy, Kate, Haley, and I left Thursday morning and headed for Philadelphia, where Siggy used to live. Let me tell you, that was a beautiful neighborhood that anyone would dream, or kill, to be apart of. I know I would have. We entered the famed Mutter Museum, which showcases and displays an aray of medical oddities. And I got to see the giant colon! Awesome. After dicking around in Philly for a couple of hours, we embarked for Washington D.C. with high hopes and excitement. However, our enthusiasm would soon be shot down as a chunk of the tread from Nancy's front right tire flew off from high speeds, causing us to pull over at a Citco gas station and inspect the damage. The tire was a loss, and we made it a team effort to take it off and place the spare tire in it's stead. Hoping to get an imidiate replacement, we set off for the nearby Wal-Mart Supercenter. To our luck, their Car and Tire services were closed for the day. Cold, wet, and tired, the lot of us hobbled back into Nancy's car and decided to stay at the Best Western Hotel for the night.
Getting a good night's sleep, we all went back to the Wal-Mart (after failing to locate the proper tire supply joint that Kate's GPS system informed us of) and waited for an hour and a half. Soon after, we got our replacement ready and installed, which ment our journey the nation's capital resumed.
While in D.C., we saw the Natives of North America Museum, The United State's Museum of History, The National Air and Space Museum, and the Museum of National History. All were amazing and tremendously sweet. We also saw the Lincoln Memorial, plus the Vietnam and World War II memorials.
Alas, the trip ended way too soon. I had so much fun though. And it was practically mind blowing seeing Kate at my Mom's house. Just plain ol' weird. Good times.
Work's a bitch, but what else is new?
I found my shot records, and now I'll be able to go to college. Whoopee. There's enthusiasm in there, trust me. And I also just went to New Hampshire with Bob, Josh, and Steve to retrieve some fireworks. Oh joyous days.
I'm asking Kate and risking my friendship. All or nothing. I'm sick of have the burden on my heart and mind. This is going to happen the next time we're alone.
I finally did Capoiera. It was awesome! But I got some nasty blisters on my toes, including a sweet blood blister that hurts like hell.
Damn this post is long. Didn't really mean to be, but it worked out that way. Oh well. But yeah. It really is now or never. If I just keep putting it off, I'm going to regret it. Besides, I think it's high time we talked about "us", or the lack there of. Why should it be taboo in conversation? It shouldn't. And like I've said a dozen times here on this sad little blog, if she's rejects me, then that's that. Best to be done with it and look forward. But I know me. I'll likely be subconsciously trying to win her heart with every that I do. I'm such a child.
I've come to the conclusion that I won't begin actual progress towards Birdsong until I hit my classes in college. I'm still fleshing out ideas, plot, characters, and the overall story. Setting up and creating a graphic novel series is way harder than it sounds.
The next post will most likely be the results of me pouring out my deepest feelings for a certain young lady. I hope everything goes alright.
I need to pee.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)