The Tides of Dreams

I'm pretty sure that was the infamous title.

I promised myself that I wouldn't go back there, but I couldn't resist. I did, and I read some really old blogs that just seem embarrassing now. I think I was going to vomit.

It can never be that way again.

Speaking of vomit, Sausage-fest was great. Food, cool people, water drinking contests, Melon-ball, and Andy Winn. How can you go wrong?

The digital SLR Canon Rebel will have to wait. Give it a month, when I'll actually have money to spend.

I got to go sail the sea of sleep.

Reassurance

Was that what it was?

So, maybe I'm in a position where I cannot become something more.

Sausage-fest Saturday. It's going to be hella awesome.

Autobiography

I guess I'm the author who's writing his story as he goes.

I decided that I will continue dropping hints until I see a concrete result, favoring either outcome. My actions from then on will depend on her reactions. If it favors me, I'll pop the question. If it does not favor me, I'll just continue with my project until its completion, and then I'll do it again. I think back on everything that has happened and I ask, "how could I be wrong about this?"

All these years, and I'm the conspirator. Or perhaps we all are. Who knows? It's best that we don't know. We should keep to ourselves.

It keeps getting worse, however, I can stomach them for now. I know this sounds a bit weird and all, but it's my way of dealing with things. I'm not bothering anyone, so it can't be bad.

I'll be driving Kate and Haley to work everyday this week. Maybe something will happen.

The Man of Mystery

If only I were as awesome as Austin Powers, oh, the wonders that would follow me!

So, sleeping over Kate's house wasn't as a big of a deal as I thought it would be. What was I expecting? An awkward silence between me and her parents? A completely sporadic but planned out moment of intimacy in the middle of the night? Getting attacked by a legion of ninjas while I slept? Perhaps the latter, but honestly, it was nice.

I guess she just trusts me enough to allow me to spend the night. We do have a history, but I doubt that was accounted for in her decision making, or maybe it was? Who knows- only she will, and it should be that way.

I wonder what was in that IM between her and Haley that was so personal, I wasn't allowed to read it? Well, if you think about, it could have been a number of things. In that case, it's better off I didn't know.

The next time I'm certain that I'll be sleeping over Kate's house, I'll pack my own clothes.

Big E today. Get ready for a whole heap of surprises. I have to try to remember my situation; it'll help for later.

Scrambled Brains

Served directly from my head.

Seriously though, I shouldn't be pissed off right now, but I am. It's hard to extinguish the fire, you know? Sometimes there isn't enough firefighters to get the job done.

There are a few things that I need to take care of soon, before they get out of hand. I'm still a little lost on what to do.

Bashing your head into a wall is sometimes an effective remedy for stress, blinding anger, and frustration. The gears of sense start functioning again inside my noggin, even though the act is pretty stupid. Think of all the lumps! Scratch that; don't think, because it might make your head hurt even more.

I'm unsure where to go from here. I'll make the call tomorrow, and see what happens. I realize that I have to do it tomorrow, or else it will never be done, and no progress will be made.

Either I'm going crazy, or I"m an idiot. Many would agree with the latter.

Spontaneous Cardiac Combustion

Shrug it off, Mikey. Shrug it off.

I should not be questioning myself like I am. I'm supposed to be unwavering; like an indestructible wall. I don't know why I'm so easily wounded. How long can I keep saying this to myself before I break? I'm confident in my abilities to withstand the barrage. I should look at it as a test, because I'm better than it. Even though I say this, I'm still lost out at sea with a broken compass.

I'm dumb. I'm stupid. I'm hopeless. I'm retarded. Maybe they are right.

It's hard being an adult.

I really have been gone from Connecticut for a long time.

Reflections

In this post, I will be reviewing and comparing myself to me four years ago, citing the differences. This should be very fun.

Mikey, circa 2004.

• Physical Health - Skinny. "Was it you string bean?"
• Mental Health - An emo git.
  
• Appearance - Sluggish and messy. The long hair didn't help either.
  
• Attitude - Paranoid.
• Overall - Hopeless.

Mikey, 2008 - Present

• Physical Health - Still skinny. "Ya skinny ass mother fucker!"
• Mental Health - A clear, mature conscience. Or at least somewhat.
• Appearance - Matured.
• Attitude - A bit goofy, but I try to look smart.
• Overall - Optimistic.

Wow, who knew that so much can change over the course of a couple of years? It's for the better, believe me.

Flustercuck

A lot of shit went down, and all I can say is that I'm not so hot right now. Not one bit.

I'm worried sick. I really am. I wonder if she's going to be okay when she gets out of the hospital. How will she cope with this? Dad and I share the same views on the situation and I hope to whatever God there is helps her heed our words. What she got herself into was pretty toxic, and she needs to see the truth in this, because there is no future in that "union", so to speak.

Everyone was scared shitless when I broke the news. I was almost in tears because I had no idea what happened and feared that it was the worst. I gave Kate and Haley quite a scare, and I apologize. Not only to them but to Mr. and Mrs. Grant (Donald & Ruth). I also should apologize to Xanth and Amarah because they got dragged into the mess as well. But it was just that: a huge mess.

She said she would be willing to live her life for me. And I know she meant it. I would say the same thing if I were ever in her situation. It's just like what Dad said: you're life is not your own, but is owned by your family and your friends who love you. If you take your own life, you are also killing apart of the lives of everyone else around you. Suicide is the ultimate selfish act one person could ever commit.

Christina, if you're reading this, keep it to yourself. And I mean it. Do you understand?

On a slight happier note, I am writing this very entry on my new Sony Vaio laptop. It is pure bliss.

Plundering Booty

I wonder if I should really spoil myself like I'm planning to.

So, Saturday I'll be able to buy the Sony Vaio I've been eyeing for weeks now. It'll be pretty sweet that I will have my own laptop now. Pretty sweet indeed.

The other things will just have to wait, I'm afraid.

I thought I said that I was going to stop beating around the bush. So, 2 months later, why am I still? Because I'm retarded. I'm pretty sure that's what she would say. The solution: actually doing what I said what I was going to do, which is what will happen.

Things seems to be fine, for now. Can't wait for my laptop! The next post will be from it. Awesome.