Indeed so.
So, my struggle for employment continues. I honestly hope I can snag a job by the end of this month, which is not that far off, so that I can at least ensure that my share of the rent will be paid by my own money. Plus, having a job is a good thing. Isn't that obvious? Of course it is, you idiot, and with all of that money (whatever that's left from paying your bills) you can spend on pretty much any thing that you want. I mean, it's your money, right?
Well, I'll worry about that when I actually have money to spend. I'm just focusing on getting a job. And... I can't really help it, but my mind is also else where. Somewhere. Like a side quest in a video game, but this one is important. In fact, it's too important for me to compare it to a video game, so I'm gonna stop doing that. Heh, she makes me feel awesome on the inside. And I suppose that's a good thing, considering my feelings for her. Should I be blogging about this? I am being discreet. Points for me!
Nancy has crossed the town line of Moralsville to Crazy-Insane-Bizarro-Fuck Town. But she still has a clear conscious. Is that even possible? Oh well, I hope she knows what she's doing. It could be a lot worse.
C'est la vie!
I move tomorrow, leaving behind Virginia as I once dreamed. Reality doesn't hit harder than this.
Even though I do look forward to coming back to Connecticut (and trust me, I do), I can't help but wonder how changed everyone might be. What will they think of me? It's almost almost scary, but I tell myself I have nothing to be scared about. That I shouldn't let the small things piss me off so easily like they did before. I'm better than that, I know better than that. I should really just concentrate on catching up with old friends.
"Gonna go work for the man!" Dad says. Honestly, I'm not worried at all. This should have been happening a couple of years ago. As always, it's my fault that it didn't. Oh, don't worry, I'm not bitter or anything, as I've come to accept this, but I am mad at myself for not taking an opportunity earlier on.
I did some editing around here recently. I pretty much deleted all of my nonsensical ranting (all of which could have been considered "emo"). I don't why; I mean, as far as I know, I'm the only one who reads this shiiite. Still, I couldn't bring myself to reread all of that stuff with a second glance, so I just got rid of it.
I'll be in Connecticut by this time tomorrow.
I don't care anymore.
I think my desire has gotten so strong, that now I don't even care what happens. I don't care she starts dating someone else, I don't dare if she just sees me as one of her best friends, I don't care if she falls in love with another... I don't care. I just don't. I can wait. I can wait for her.
Why?
It's because I've fallen in love with her... again.
And seeing her will nourish my soul with a warmth it so badly needs.
I yearn for the day.
I have to apologize for my previous post. I was writing it in a fit of anger. Pretty ugly and juvenile. So again, I apologize.
Well, now that I have calmed down since then, let me muse on what is going to officially happen.
My father is arriving here in VA via Amtrak Saturday morning. I honestly want to leave then, when he arrives, and probably will, since he has stated that he has no problem with doing that. However, he does want to see my two little sisters, and my mother will probably force me to wait. Bah.
Any way, certain peoples are disappointed that I won't be coming down as expected. I , personally, feel terrible about this whole thing. I'll be missing an event that is important to me, and she was really hoping that I'd be there, but as of now, it's impossible. And I feel so horrible about it. Nancy said I shouldn't worry, that I shouldn't let it eat me up. But you know how I am; I set myself up for this kind of misery all of the time.
I hope she can forgive me. She will, but probably not right away. That's something that I'm going to have to deal with. I'll speak with her today, through AIM as usual, and see what's up.
But, I think I found my inner peace. I'm happy to know that I will be in Connecticut, finally returning after being away for so long. I also believe I have my emotions under stable control, so I won't completely flip out when something discreet happens. Or something blatantly obvious. Which ever one, I won't go crazy. Well, perhaps a little.
I need to get myself preoccupied with something so that this entire week will go by seemingly fast. I need to stop thinking on what's happening in CT when I'm not there. It's no time for any of that jealousy shit. I have it under control, remember? Good. Grood.
I wonder if they read this?
Today, I will graduate high school.
I'm happy that Nancy and Siggy made it down from Connecticut. Honestly, I wish I could see all my friends here, but I'll have to wait for another week. Don't worry; I can wait.
Damn. Where has all that time gone? It's really been four years, huh? It doesn't even seem that long to me, but I suppose that's what they all say.
At any case, Connecticut's within reach, and so are many others.
I'll make my triumphant return soon enough.
LP lied to me after all! How cruel and unjust!
And not just her, but Penn too! What the hell is up with everyone? Do they want me to become severely pissed? Are my teachers that evil? If so, then it sure as hell is working! Shit-face-motherf*****!
Jiminy Jack Jesus H. Christ on a stick! I am furious right now.
On a slightly happier note, Mercer assured me that I will be graduating come Saturday. In the end, that's really all that matters.
I re-installed Firefox a couple of days ago, so that's cool.
I need a haircut. A good haircut.
June has arrived, and my freedom will surely follow!
Indeed so.
