Dull

Indeed so.

I'm don't feel happy, and I don't think I have felt happy for a long time. Ever since I've gotten to experience "life" for what it is, shit just seems harder to take. But, you know, I have every reason to be happy: I'm within close proximity with a loving family, I know and love the best people on this planet and could not simply live without them, and I'm not bound by strict governing, because I basically live on my own, which in returns results in utter freedom. So what's the big deal?

The big deal is that I'm stuck with a crappy part-time job that doesn't pay nearly enough for me to be able to live completely on my own, so in turn I am financially supported by my father. I am completely dependent on his support, which bothers me. I not saying that I'm not grateful for his help, because I am and I love my father, but it saddens me to no end that I'm not capable of supporting myself independently.

And then there's Kate. I can never get over her and I might as well except it. I'm unrequited, and the pain is just what I have to live with indefinitely. The area where my heart is literally hurts (like my chest is caving in on itself) just when I think about her. I maybe in constant emotional pain, but I believe I have control over it. I've taught myself un-harmful and ethical ways of dealing with the pain, like art, exercising, writing, and gaming. Of course, I've always been avid against self-mutilation and suicidal actions and remain true to that. I would never consider such heinous things, thus are never mused.

I just feel dull. Like my life isn't getting any where. Alas, there are better things to do than just to wallow in my own sorrow. In the next couple of days, I'm going to attempt to pave the road to which will lead me to actual happiness. Lol, sounds kind of lame, I know, but it beats sittin' around doing nothing, right?

Smooth Sailings, bitches!