The Sinking Feeling in my Chest

I maybe too weak to handle the truth.

Something's going on between them. I just know it. I shouldn't care. I just need to forget about her. The sooner I can do that, the quicker I'll stop hurting on the inside. I need to forget. It's vitally important I forget. Perhaps when he's gone, I can make my move. Perhaps. But for now, I need to forget. It's becoming so unhealthy for me to pursue her, even after she said no. Maybe I should stop talking to her? I don't know. Something needs to be done in order for me to stop the hurting. God, it's hurts so much. I wish could meet some else to get my mind off of her. Jesus, I've never been so upset in my life and so heart broken. I wonder everyday if I'm strong enough to handle it. I told her last month, but I don't think it was enough. However, I also said I would never bring it up again. If only she knew how much she hurts me, if only Kate knew what she does to me, maybe she'd understand.

And that's how I feel. I don't know what I can do to combat these feelings. Perhaps just continue with Desire. That's the only thing I can do at this point.

MCC tomorrow morning, as it looks like. Waking up early so I can get there and get set for the Fall 2009 semester.