I just can't.
Today, or rather yesterday, should've been the nail in the coffin, but it isn't. Why is that? Despite the clear images the work against me and my goal? Am I just so much of a loser I can't just let go? Yeah, probably. But I'm a loser in love. Even though her heart is not there for me to take, I'll wait.
I'm going to ask her if she's dating Xanth, although I'm pretty sure she is. They act so complimentary to each other. And if they are, then I don't want to get in between them. I'll be happy for them.
Edit 3:01p.m.
Sooooo, I guess they're not dating, as she said to me, but he (Xanth) is just "really cuddly".
I suppose you can say the same thing about me too, so I guess that's that, for now.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Clockin' the Jiz
WTF is up with my entry titles lately?
Any way, I hope Nancy gets this kick ass job at ING. She needs that money, yo. Then again, doesn't everybody? I know I do, shit.
I'm going to try to keep myself from shedding some tears tomorrow. Damn, I was crying like a baby last year. I tried to suck it up like man, but the loss was just so much. I miss Grandpa.
Today will be interesting, to say the least.
Oh, by the way, before I forget, let jut say this: Fuck work. I swear, they seem to be fuckin' around with me over at that hole in the Earth.
Pft.
Any way, I hope Nancy gets this kick ass job at ING. She needs that money, yo. Then again, doesn't everybody? I know I do, shit.
I'm going to try to keep myself from shedding some tears tomorrow. Damn, I was crying like a baby last year. I tried to suck it up like man, but the loss was just so much. I miss Grandpa.
Today will be interesting, to say the least.
Oh, by the way, before I forget, let jut say this: Fuck work. I swear, they seem to be fuckin' around with me over at that hole in the Earth.
Pft.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
The Escapist and His Antidote
No, it's not the website that Yahtzee bases his awesome game reviews from.
So, how many times have I blogged about this? Probably a dozen. Now, I seriously think I need to do something about it. It's literally making me feel sick from the inside. Why am I doing this to myself? It's really unnecessary. And very childish of me. Why can't I just let it go? December. I told her in December, but I lied. I said I expected nothing from her in return, when what I really wanted was her love. But I just didn't get that. I'm under the impression it belongs to somebody else.
My plan now is to escape from all these negatives in my head by doing something that will definitely remedy me, my soul, and hopefully put me back on track: to draw. Art has constantly been the one thing to ease my mind and I'm in need of that antidote.
March is here. I have the rest of this month to actually start, and perhaps by summer, I'll have the best weapon of all.
I've gone completely insane.
So, how many times have I blogged about this? Probably a dozen. Now, I seriously think I need to do something about it. It's literally making me feel sick from the inside. Why am I doing this to myself? It's really unnecessary. And very childish of me. Why can't I just let it go? December. I told her in December, but I lied. I said I expected nothing from her in return, when what I really wanted was her love. But I just didn't get that. I'm under the impression it belongs to somebody else.
My plan now is to escape from all these negatives in my head by doing something that will definitely remedy me, my soul, and hopefully put me back on track: to draw. Art has constantly been the one thing to ease my mind and I'm in need of that antidote.
March is here. I have the rest of this month to actually start, and perhaps by summer, I'll have the best weapon of all.
I've gone completely insane.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Suck-tastic: My Day at Work!
The Reckoning!
In theaters never.
So, coupled with a crappy-ass day at work, I find myself at a crossroad. I'm torn, but not between Scylla and Charybdis. Or maybe I am? Well, let's see: I hate my job (only when I'm on the register), but I like my co-workers and my bosses, I hate getting paid minimum wage but it's all I've got right now.
In conclusion, I'm going to continue my search for a better job. Better paying, perhaps. We shall see.
You know what? I had a funny feeling today was going to suck ass. I just knew it.
Ugh.
In theaters never.
So, coupled with a crappy-ass day at work, I find myself at a crossroad. I'm torn, but not between Scylla and Charybdis. Or maybe I am? Well, let's see: I hate my job (only when I'm on the register), but I like my co-workers and my bosses, I hate getting paid minimum wage but it's all I've got right now.
In conclusion, I'm going to continue my search for a better job. Better paying, perhaps. We shall see.
You know what? I had a funny feeling today was going to suck ass. I just knew it.
Ugh.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
The Weary Hand
It just ain't what it used to be.
So, I've decided to dedicate a majority of my time improving my drawing skills, as they have waned due to years of neglect. How do I expect to illustrate my wonderful stories if I lack the artistic drive? How indeed.
Until I get my money back in taxes so I can do the stuff I've wanted to do for awhile, I'm gonna turn my focus towards drawing and computing. And my books, which I haven't read through yet. I will though, I promise.
I haven't entirely decided what I wanted to do with the UFA. I've been focusing on elements with so much depth that I've ignored the things I should have been working on from the start. Like the actual plot. Gee, who knew, right? It always ends up like that.
I'm still in development, so I don't need to buy any big fancy paper to draw on yet. I want to make sure my skills are up to par before I do any actual progress with the UFA. Another thing I need to do is to give the damn thing a fucking title. That's a start. It's just so difficult to do so. I can spend hours trying to figure out a really kick ass and meaningful title. Hours. Without coming to a final choice.
Whatever. Back to drawing.
So, I've decided to dedicate a majority of my time improving my drawing skills, as they have waned due to years of neglect. How do I expect to illustrate my wonderful stories if I lack the artistic drive? How indeed.
Until I get my money back in taxes so I can do the stuff I've wanted to do for awhile, I'm gonna turn my focus towards drawing and computing. And my books, which I haven't read through yet. I will though, I promise.
I haven't entirely decided what I wanted to do with the UFA. I've been focusing on elements with so much depth that I've ignored the things I should have been working on from the start. Like the actual plot. Gee, who knew, right? It always ends up like that.
I'm still in development, so I don't need to buy any big fancy paper to draw on yet. I want to make sure my skills are up to par before I do any actual progress with the UFA. Another thing I need to do is to give the damn thing a fucking title. That's a start. It's just so difficult to do so. I can spend hours trying to figure out a really kick ass and meaningful title. Hours. Without coming to a final choice.
Whatever. Back to drawing.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Crying Over Spilled Rum
¡ooʍ ¡ɹǝqɯnu ʍǝu ɐ ɹoɟ ʎpɐǝɹ ǝq ˙uoos ǝuoɥd ןןǝɔ ʎɯ ƃuıʇʇǝƃ ǝq ןן,\ı
˙oƃ ʇǝן oʇ uɹɐǝן oʇ pǝǝu ʎןןɐǝɹ ı ˙ʎןɹɐǝ ooʇ ǝq ןןıʇs ʎɐɯ ʇı ˙ʍouʞ noʎ 'ʎɐp s,\ǝuıʇuǝןɐʌ uo sıɥʇ ssǝɹdxǝ oʇ ʇuɐʍ ı ɟı ǝɹns ʇou ɯ,\ı puɐ 'ǝʇɐʞ ǝʌoן ןןıʇs ı
˙ǝɹısǝp uo ʞɹoʍ oʇ pǝǝu ןןıʇs ı ˙sı ʇɐɥʇ 'ʎɐp ǝɥʇ ɟo ˙puǝ ǝɥʇ ɹoɟ ʇdǝɔxǝ ƃuıɥʇʎuɐ ʇnoqɐ ʞuıɥʇ oʇ ʇuɐʍ ʇ,\uop ʇsnɾ ı ǝɹǝɥʍ sʎɐp ǝɯos ǝʌɐɥ ɐuuoƃ sı ɥʇuoɯ sıɥʇ ˙ʞɔɐɹʇ uo ʞɔɐq ƃuıʇʇǝƃ ʎןʍoןs sı ǝɟıן ʎɯ 'ʎɐʍʎuɐ
˙ʎuunɟ ǝq pןnoʍ ʇı ʇɥƃnoɥʇ ʇsnɾ ı 'sıɥʇ op oʇ pǝpıɔǝp ı ʎɥʍ uosɐǝɹ ɹɐןnɔıʇɹɐd ou s,\ǝɹǝɥʇ ˙noʎ oʇ sopnʞ uǝɥʇ ʎɹʇuǝ ƃoןq sıɥʇ ɹǝɥdıɔǝp oʇ pǝƃɐuɐɯ noʎ ɟı
˙sǝʎ ɥo
˙oƃ ʇǝן oʇ uɹɐǝן oʇ pǝǝu ʎןןɐǝɹ ı ˙ʎןɹɐǝ ooʇ ǝq ןןıʇs ʎɐɯ ʇı ˙ʍouʞ noʎ 'ʎɐp s,\ǝuıʇuǝןɐʌ uo sıɥʇ ssǝɹdxǝ oʇ ʇuɐʍ ı ɟı ǝɹns ʇou ɯ,\ı puɐ 'ǝʇɐʞ ǝʌoן ןןıʇs ı
˙ǝɹısǝp uo ʞɹoʍ oʇ pǝǝu ןןıʇs ı ˙sı ʇɐɥʇ 'ʎɐp ǝɥʇ ɟo ˙puǝ ǝɥʇ ɹoɟ ʇdǝɔxǝ ƃuıɥʇʎuɐ ʇnoqɐ ʞuıɥʇ oʇ ʇuɐʍ ʇ,\uop ʇsnɾ ı ǝɹǝɥʍ sʎɐp ǝɯos ǝʌɐɥ ɐuuoƃ sı ɥʇuoɯ sıɥʇ ˙ʞɔɐɹʇ uo ʞɔɐq ƃuıʇʇǝƃ ʎןʍoןs sı ǝɟıן ʎɯ 'ʎɐʍʎuɐ
˙ʎuunɟ ǝq pןnoʍ ʇı ʇɥƃnoɥʇ ʇsnɾ ı 'sıɥʇ op oʇ pǝpıɔǝp ı ʎɥʍ uosɐǝɹ ɹɐןnɔıʇɹɐd ou s,\ǝɹǝɥʇ ˙noʎ oʇ sopnʞ uǝɥʇ ʎɹʇuǝ ƃoןq sıɥʇ ɹǝɥdıɔǝp oʇ pǝƃɐuɐɯ noʎ ɟı
˙sǝʎ ɥo
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Let the Worries Begin
I am not prepared.
Well, money has become an issue once again. Of course, I'm not stating that currently, but I will be, in the very near future. Many things are gonna happen, which will result in me investing my money to keep a few necessities existent.
Like my cell phone, which is subjected to change very soon.
My car insurance, which subjected to change very soon.
And quite possibly my life, although that may take s longer amount of time to change, but not far off.
Work is tiresome. At a glance, I guess it shouldn't really be all that tiring, but it is. It could be my depression. That would explain a lot. It would explain why I'm tired all of the time, and also why I don't have all the energy I used too. But why am I depressed? Well, let's take a look:
1. I have no love life. I want a relationship, but maybe it's too early. I'm not completely sure. My indecisiveness depresses me, along with my lack of a significant partner.
2. I'm not where I want to be physically. Of course, I could start to change that. I mean, I have all the motivation in the world to start, but why have I not begun? Is it really motivation after all? No, I suppose not.
3. I don't make nearly enough to be single handily be paying for my cell phone bill, my car insurance, and my rent on a monthly basis. In total, that's gonna be like $600 - $800 dollars. Awesome for me.
4. I didn't start college when I wanted to, but then again, It's my fault that happened. I accept that.
I can't think of any more, but I will put more once I think of them. Any way, I always asked to myself, "does karma exist?" I don't think I've done anything wrong, and I'm always polite and grateful to people. So why am I frequently getting shit in my face? Why do financial and other worldly problems seem to plague me? It could just be the way life is. And if that's true, then I hate life, as it is for me now. Granted, life has its good moments, but when you sift through all the shit, you'll be able to find them.
And you can quote me on that!
Hurray for February!
[/sarcasm].
Well, money has become an issue once again. Of course, I'm not stating that currently, but I will be, in the very near future. Many things are gonna happen, which will result in me investing my money to keep a few necessities existent.
Like my cell phone, which is subjected to change very soon.
My car insurance, which subjected to change very soon.
And quite possibly my life, although that may take s longer amount of time to change, but not far off.
Work is tiresome. At a glance, I guess it shouldn't really be all that tiring, but it is. It could be my depression. That would explain a lot. It would explain why I'm tired all of the time, and also why I don't have all the energy I used too. But why am I depressed? Well, let's take a look:
1. I have no love life. I want a relationship, but maybe it's too early. I'm not completely sure. My indecisiveness depresses me, along with my lack of a significant partner.
2. I'm not where I want to be physically. Of course, I could start to change that. I mean, I have all the motivation in the world to start, but why have I not begun? Is it really motivation after all? No, I suppose not.
3. I don't make nearly enough to be single handily be paying for my cell phone bill, my car insurance, and my rent on a monthly basis. In total, that's gonna be like $600 - $800 dollars. Awesome for me.
4. I didn't start college when I wanted to, but then again, It's my fault that happened. I accept that.
I can't think of any more, but I will put more once I think of them. Any way, I always asked to myself, "does karma exist?" I don't think I've done anything wrong, and I'm always polite and grateful to people. So why am I frequently getting shit in my face? Why do financial and other worldly problems seem to plague me? It could just be the way life is. And if that's true, then I hate life, as it is for me now. Granted, life has its good moments, but when you sift through all the shit, you'll be able to find them.
And you can quote me on that!
Hurray for February!
[/sarcasm].
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